How To Be A Guest List Guru

Keeping those all-important numbers under control.

So he’s popped the question, you’ve said yes, and all that’s left to do is make it official in front of a huge crowd of your friends and family – right? But what if you don’t want half the world looking on whilst you make your vows? Worse still, what if you’re both after a modest and understated wedding, but one or both sets of parents is determined to turn your day into a circus complete with hundreds of awestruck onlookers? Read on to find out how you can keep your wedding guest list under control without causing World War 3 in the process…

Big or Small?

You might think you can leave decisions about the size of your wedding until much further down the line, but in fact it’s something to consider from the very earliest stages of planning. If you’re getting married in church, for example, you need to make sure that the number of guests you’re planning won’t be too large (or indeed too small) for the venue. The same goes for receptions – no point booking your dream venue and finding out a year later that they can’t cater for your 350 dinner guests, or that they won’t let you use your preferred function room because you’ve fallen 20 guests short of the minimum number.

There are pros and cons to having a large or a small wedding and in most cases personal preference and family size are deciding factors. Every wedding needs a guest list, however, and large or small, the stress of deciding who’s invited and who isn’t is enough to have you tearing your hair out – some couples even opt to elope or marry abroad for this very reason! The good news is that with some careful planning and a hefty dose of tact you can have the wedding you want without getting into anyone’s bad books.

Where to Start?!

The first thing to do when compiling your guest list is to make rough lists of everyone you think you would like to invite, starting with your closest family and friends and working your way outwards to colleagues, neighbours and family friends that you might not necessarily be very close to. If one or both sets of parents are paying for a substantial part of your day then it’s very worthwhile getting them involved at this stage so you can build up a complete picture of the numbers you could be facing. Arguments often arise where parents are paying for the wedding reception and feel they should therefore have free rein when it comes to the guest list – and it’s only right that they should have their input up to a point. But if you feel you need to cap the number of guests your parents are allowed to invite, approach the subject as gently as you can explaining that whilst they may want to invite half of Ireland, you are the ones who will spend a large portion of your day meeting, greeting and making small talk with lots of guests you barely know. If you dream of a more intimate wedding where you get to spend quality time with your guests, they should respect this by helping you to keep the guest list manageable. If both sets of parents are contributing to reception costs, an idea might be to agree on a fixed number of guests that each set of parents can add to the list to avoid any fall-outs.

Keeping It Under Control

Once you’ve made a list of everyone you’d like to invite, you can start to organize this into ‘definites’ and ‘maybes’ – the latter being people you would like to invite if logistics and finances allow. Be ruthless at this stage and only put those you are 100% sure about on the definite list. Once you’ve counted up the numbers, you can re-visit the ‘maybe’ list and decide which of these people you can accommodate as definites and which you could perhaps invite to just the evening reception to keep costs down. This is a great solution for neighbours and work colleagues, especially if you both work in large offices!

Tailoring your guest list is crucial when you have a particular wedding venue in mind but it’s also worth remembering that choosing a reception venue that fullfils your ideals of size and atmosphere can be a very canny way to dictate your guest list without causing offence – if you choose a small and intimate venue that can only accommodate restricted numbers then it’s much easier to explain to your wider circle of family and friends why they didn’t receive an invite! Of course this can make your job in keeping numbers small more difficult, but if you’re sure you won’t regret booking somewhere small then we say go for it!

Other ways to keep numbers down include not inviting children to the day – which can be a bonus if you’re having a very refined and elegant wedding. Parents should respect your wishes on this score but bear in mind that it may affect their ability to attend at all if childcare is an issue.

Finally remember that on average 10% – 20% of guests invited to a wedding decline the invitation for one reason or another – this is worth remembering if you’re really agonizing over the last few invitees. Of course, you can never count on this so if your venue absolutely cannot cater for more than a certain number, then don’t invite any more than that just in case.