mrs2be.ie

[boctober]

Didn't know where to put this so sorry if its in the wrong place.
Just wondering if anybody else feels stuck in a rut. I've been angry and sad and now I don't know what to feel. I should be happy about getting married but I feel like a complete waste of space. My inlaws hate me, I have no friends or family this end of the country, I'm eating for comfort and hence gaining weight, I can't find a job, and me being down upsets my h2b so I'm keeping it to myself. how can I be a good wife or rolemodel for my child when I feel like this? It's ridiculous! We are so broke, and inlaws put the boot in about all that h2b is paying for for the wedding (even though I don't even want a big wedding) I have no income so I can't even go and pay to talk to a professional. advice anyone???

[MrsEnglish]

I know exactly what you are feeling This is a very current topic with me! Recently (this week) I was diagnosed with depression and am now on anti-depressants! I hadn't slept in 8 weeks until I began sleeping tablets last week! I have alot of the same going on as you (and alot more besides) but thankfully the wedding is done!

As it is I am starting to feel better!
Hubby got let go too which made me worse but got redundancy so thats helping pay for my medical things, councellor, psychiatrist, sleeping tablets and anti depressants
If you are not working you may be entitled to medical card and be able to go to the doc then?
I will say you do need to even talk to someone - it makes a huge difference!!!

[IRockedTheFrock]

I completely know how you feel too. A few years ago I had a big operation and was in a position like yourself where I couldnt work for a year and h2b had to support me and pay all bills etc. I got so depressed and he convinced me to go to the doctor and as soon as I sat down in the surgery I just fell to pieces in tears. It was embarrassing but the best thing to happen because she knew straight away it was depression and prescribed some anti depressants and relaxents or something. After a few days things seemed so much better and it gave me the energy to start trying to turn things around for myself because I was thinking positively rather than feeling so low all the time. I used to think it was shameful needing to take anti depressents but they made me better and I was able to get off them after a few months so I would recommend them to anyone because at the end of the day, depression is like any illness and you need medication to make you better. I hope you will go to the doctors hun xxx

[hugbear]

You poor thing.. do you feel even a bit better for writting it down?
Take control of the situation firstly by starting to eat well and do a bit of walking, youl b sosurprised hwo quickly you start to feel better!!
Your financial situation is non of your inlaws business unless they are going to help!! try ignore their negative input....

[maurac]

you poor pet, sorry to hear you are going through a rough time! We are all here to help, if you want to talk even pm me, i will listen xxx

[AnCiotog]

Thank God to see a topic like this. I've only gotten engaged last Saturday week and everything should be wonderful, and in the main it is. However, I've an ongoing problem with anxiety which I used to think was that I wasn't happy in my relationship. Then I started checking and it's actually a problem for me with all my relationships with people who are close to me. I too did the breaking down in the doctor's surgery and I was told two weeks ago today that my anxiety has led to mental exhaustion so now I'm depressed as well. On Sunday I started to go down again, just a week after my beautiful proposal and I'm still there. I have to keep telling myself that this is not rational thinking and that I am happy to be getting married, though I've no idea how I'm going to plan a wedding and build a house with my h2b if I continue in this state. He loves me absolutely unconditionally and proposed to me despite how I am when I'm down, but I'm so dreading the next year because of this awful illness. When I'm in this mode I feel like I've got the wrong man, that my marriage is a mistake, that I'll have to leave him, the list goes on........ So I feel your pain. I'm seeing a cbt therapist, it's not a short answer but in the long term it will help me a lot. maybe something for you to look into?

[IRockedTheFrock]

I'm seeing a cbt therapist, it's not a short answer but in the long term it will help me a lot. maybe something for you to look into?

AnCiotog are you taking any meds for the depression? I know there's a stigma around anti depressants and I used to be like ''no way would I go on those'' but then I just had to cuz I was so low. And I'm so glad I did because after a couple of weeks I was feeling much better and after a few months I got weaned off them. I havent been as bad as that since, although I do get bouts of anxiety and feeling very low but I usually get through it myself. But it's really good knowing that if I ever got badly depressed again, I can always go back on the meds for a while and it will lift me out of it.

[AnCiotog]

Yes, been given Lexapro 10mg but not started them yet because I really didn't want to dum down the excitement of the engagement. I'm starting them on Friday with the help of my h2b and bm. They are the only two who know what I'm suffering with it. I think some of the reason I'm starting to get worse now though is I have have a twin, and separating from her will break my heart, but I always knew that it was going to come some day so my response to it is utterly irrantional. My h2b knows how important she is to me and gets on well with her so separation in reality won't happen apart from me no longer living with her. But tell that to a mentally exhausted bride to be in the early days of planning a house build and a wedding!!!!

[IRockedTheFrock]

Thats what I was prescribed too anciotog. I was also given calmax to help me sleep at night. You'll be feeling much better soon dont worry. Try not to think of it as ''seperating'' from your sister. Thats a really negative way of looking at it. You will never seperate from your twin, she will always be your twin and nobody will ever come between that bond no matter what xx

[winterbride]

you should definately talk to someone and if you are not working you should be entitled to a medical card. I think in this economy were in it is very hard to stay positive all the time but lets all hope it will get better soon. We got turned down by the Banks again and it is so frustrating but i keep telling myself i could be one of the ones worse off with no job and a mortgage to pay but to say the least its still very frustrating. I hope you feel better soon and we are all here to lend a shoulder and to chat to

[fionab1385]

Ah I am so sorry to hear you are so down. I think it's natural to be all over the shop coming up to the wedding, society tells us that we should be walking around on Cloud 9 but it can often bring up insecurities and stresses. I got anxious a few years ago and my doc put me on a low dose of Xanax for a week and it was enough to get my head settled again. When things get on top of me I write them down in a diary, that way they are out of my head and sometimes seeing them on paper makes them less stressful. I have had a good bit of counselling and it's all about trying to flip things over and look at them in a different way. Keep posting here and we are all here to help xxx

[MrsEnglish]

I'm on Lexapro 20mg, and seeing a therapist & councellor!
It has helped so much, I can't believe the difference to 4 - 5 months ago!

I certainly recommend both talking about it and meds!!
and a lovely at least once every fortnight!!

[MrsTK2B]

Girls, sorry to hear that you are having these problems. I'm lucky enough not to have been through it myself but thought it might be of some help to know a good friend of mine had depression for a couple of years. She had some general health problems and wasn't sure what to do career wise so maybe that contributed to it. But she saw a psychiatrist, had counselling, took prozac and slowly got over it. She is now in great form, off the medication and in a job she loves. There is light at the end of the tunnel, please do go and see your GP as a first step to getting some help. And if you can't cope with the wedding you have planned at the moment maybe think about a smaller, simpler wedding or postponing it for a while. You health is the most important thing.

[AnCiotog]

You guys are all so great on here. Sometimes I get so upset, because my h2b is wonderful but when I'm like this the doubts keep coming. And despite it all he wants to be my husband, I can't understand that!!! But I will be starting on lexapro on Friday, because it's no longer about me, it's about him too. Mrs English, I do the writing thing too, but when I'm bad I don't because it seems to scare me for some reason! Then I start thinking I'm mad to get married, because it will never last, we won't be happy etc. Now, I know that everyone must have some feeling like that (don't they??!!), but in this mode it just takes over. I naively thought last week because we are now engaged that that would stop, but the minute the anxiety came back it was wham, bang, thank you mam with the doubts!