mrs2be.ie

[BluefishJD]

just going to throw this out there...Is it weird that i am not really pushed on having a Stag?

[MrsMul2B]

Not weird at all. My h2b keeps asking if he has to have one too. Its up to you, if you don't want one dont have one. Neither of us are big messy boozers so deffo won't have a traditional night out. We're half thinking if we have to do something (ie if best man and chief BM make us) we might do something fun during the day together i.e Carlingford or one of those adventure centers get mucky etc and then have dinner and a few drinks in the evening. Nothing is decided yet as we're still ages away.
It's you wedding so do what you want!

[awhiletogo]

Oh thank you BluefishJD! Neither me nor H2B really wants to have a stag/hen party either, and we thought we were the only ones! We wouldn't be big drinkers at all, and h2b doesn't even like pubs very much. We're trying to think up some alternatives to the traditional hen and stag nights cos sometimes people seem insist you have to have a night out! Something like Mrsmul2b suggested sounds great!

[BluefishJD]

great news ....I'm not the only one! - like you awhiletogo, neither me nor my B2B are pushed at all as like that we are not into the whole messy night out thing - when we are out even with friends and we go into a place that there is a hen/stag we just turn around and go somewhere else and as she is not from this country doesn't understand or like the traditional Hen nites that go on here - as in the paraphernalia, drunken disorder etc etc (I know they are not all like that) she'd much prefer a nite out at the movies and maybe bar-bites after or even a nite out hitting the tiles but not involve all that is associated with Hen Parties and in my case I don't like the whole idea of the "Stag" as in "your last night of Freedom" it just doesn't sit well with me and as I don't drink anymore - which i think is my main reason for not wanting or needing a stag as let's face it, it's basically just a piss-up with the Go-Karting thrown in for the sake of the B2B to be honest -

Thanks MrsMul - I do like the idea of going down the Adventure/Activity Route - I've heard Delphi Mountain Resort is very good with loads of different activities (It would be nearest place to us) - I also know that yes it is our wedding and what I decide, I just worry will it be expected from others to sort one out or have one. The more I think about it the more I feel inclined to not bother (I am in no ways quiet even though i stopped drinking over 3yrs ago now I still enjoy going out - granted others drunkiness towards the end of a night does wear a little thin and when i did drink I have had my fair share of nites out on the tear so not knocking that and each to their own but as my lifestyle has changed and especially as I'd be sober don't fancy going out to watch the lads get drunk and then i would inevitably have to drive them all home.

[IRockedTheFrock]

Bluefish you are very wise!! My H2b had his stag a couple weeks ago. He wasnt too pushed either but wanted to go to Barcelona to watch the big match so he kind of decided that he'd invite the lads along and make that his ''stag'' then there'd be no faces from the other lads. Anyway, as you know, the whole game thing fell through when it was moved to Andorra so they all just had to go and watch it in a bar in Barcelona as it was too late to cancel cuz flights and all had been paid for. This in itself caused disappointment and tension and when they did get over there, 3 of his closest mates (he thought they were anyway) fecked off on their own for the whole weekend! So it didnt end very well and none of them were speaking by the time they got home!! I think they have made peace now but its just all hassle and you dont need it before the wedding!

My hen party is next weekend and jesus that caused war! We tried to organise the big fancy weekend package but there was so much bitching from everyone and there was falling out etc. In the end I came close to abreakdown and said feck it we'll just have a night out in town and com eif you want, dont come if you dont want! So now I know who the genuine ones are!

Hens and stags are totally over rated!

[BluefishJD]

Totally agree with your last statement rocthefroc over rated - and it's not as if I've never been there! - Was best man for a friend of mine who gave me the responsibility of sorting his stag - so with my contacts and vision for a non-tacky, non-typical stag (was given a look by his then B2B and I knew what it meant!! but i'm not like that anyway hence my initial post here! I was also told (by her) of who and who not to invite - seemingly some of our mates are a bad influence - were adults for F sake!!) anyway sorry for went ahead and started to make plans - first off had a place down in Wexford (Where the Groom mentioned he'd like to go) but then his BIL and FIL got in on the act and said no too far away (for them) so had to cancel that - then at the time I was doing some work for an Adventure centre so had got a package off them and a cottage provisionally booked again knocked back by same above! - Having lived in Letterkenny for many a year (4) thought grand knew all the hotspots got on well with a local hotel who were going to provide FREE transport for both days and packed lunch - we were going paint balling and Go-Karting - again at which I secured a great discount and low and behold got a call and told to cancel as FIL wouldn't be able to travel that far and his back was put out so wouldn't be able to do activities I bit my tongue throughout and I decided to leave it to themselves which ended up in a local "auld man's" pub (as I do call them) (we were only 23/24 at the time) and then onto a local niteclub - The only good thing that came out of it as I wasn't drinking at the time I was able to (had to) look after him and bring him back to mine as the rest - mostly his so called close family-in-law, who I'm convinced did it on purpose, left him hammered - I know he appreciated me looking after him that nite! In writing all this I think subconsciously this could be another reason for not wanting to have a stag!! Too much shite hawking and something my B2B recently brought up which i kinda forgot about was two of the lads aren't talking and another two due to a recent divorce are on tender hooks as well and that would be the last thing I would want to be dealing with as again they'd be drinking - real thoughts/comments would come out - I'd be sober and have to referee...yes rocthefroc...overrated indeed and certainly not worth the hassle!

[Skittles]

not weird at all bluefishjd. My hubby didnt have one either as he is not in to all the drinking and all that goes on a stag night/weekend.

[letmeeatcake]

To be honest, I didn't really want a hen (well stag, as all my friends are lads) either. We decided that we would go to Edinburgh for the weekend, as I used to live there, and go paintballing, clay pigeon shooting and go karting. Sounded good, until I realised my BM hadn't planned anything at all, as she had been off on holidays for so long in Kenya and then on a month cruise! So she didn't let any of my friends from ireland know, so they could book flights (she had said it was all under control and not to worry). Then h2b got a new job and we had to move to a new apartment in the UK, so we were really stretched on money. I took that as an excuse for cancelling the hen weekend altogether. So after the wedding, when we have a bit more time, I will invite friends and family over to the UK and we will do a big murder mystery weekend and probably some outdoor pursuits. H2b will get his friends involved too, so it should be good. I might just go out on New Years Eve and call it my hen! (it is also my mums birthday, so there wont be any pressure for a "typical" hen night). I don't even drink, so my friends will have to do it for me! But I would just get out of what people have in their heads for your stag night, and do what you want to do. Otherwise, people will never be happy, and neither will you.

[december2012]

for me, i'm not pushed on the hen!! thing, but i will be going out for dinner and drinkies...i dont want to be dressed up or do silly things, i just want a night out with the girlies....so think its up to youself at the end of the day, but just think after its all over would you have missed not having it, even it is just pints down in the local, a great night to relax and catch up with the lad/lassies....

keep it simple, that's my motto..............

[BluefishJD]

Thanks all for your thoughts - good to know I'm not the only one out there that just doesn't see the point of these things (so to speak) - I suppose as a non drinker now just not into all that goes with a "Stag" and to be honest even when i did drink I wasn't that taken with them either - many years of working behind a bar put me well off both hen and stags!!!
Thankfully letmeeatcake I am very much in control as to have a stag or not as have only one groomsman who is my best man and he won't do anything if he knows i genuinely don't want to, I'm just being stupid and worried what others might think if I didn't have one but have realized feck that just keep myself and my B2B happy and not to worry what others think (wouldn't mind but this is my general rule of thumb with everything, as in I tend not to worry/give a S%$& what others think as long as it my decision and keeps me happy but as this is a wedding we are planning it just seems to be different?!? - hope I'm explaining myself correctly! -

I think it's just all the stereotypical stuff that surrounds the stag that I am not into and do like the idea of keeping it simple (as Dec 2012 has mentioned) and maybe go down the outdoor pursuit route with a couple of mates but not consider it a stag just a catch up with the lads then again will this just be considered a type of "Stag"...maybe I just don't do anything as you can see just not pushed. Hey Dec2012 I don't think I'd missed not having one as i am thinking along the lines of it being not necessary in the first place and after the weekend just passed I have realized my threshold for tolerating drunk people has decreased dramatically (I know pot calling kettle and all that as I did drink myself and am usually grand with it on nights out and love going out but just the place we ended up this weekend was just too much alot of messy people, alot of underage and just not enjoyable - despite it having quite a high reputation as "THE" place to be - I won't be back - any who getting off point there! again thanks for your thoughts and helping me to make a clear decision I suppose I just wanted to justify not having one and wanted to see if there was others thinking like me - so thanks:)

[Skittles]

If you didnt want the typical stag, maybe you could see if there is a good film in the cinema and hire out the screen for it. then maybe have a meal before it.

[BluefishJD]

Like your thinking Skittles - we did this once when I lived in Oz as our Work Xmas Party - great nite. would never have thought of it as an alternative stag - great idea - wonder would the local cinema allow some finger food in during the film! and of course some beer for the drinkers!

[BluefishJD]

By the way Skittles Happy Anniversary - just seen your ticker - also as you/your H2B have been there done that I notice you say he didn't have one - did he miss it - or was there any fuss/comments of "Why aren't ya havin one" etc - Like him I just ain't into all that goes with a stag night/weekend and I know it's my decision and what i would like but this world of "Wedding" people seem to think differently haha

[Disney2012]

My h2b doesn't want a stag either... We've been to a few family get togethers and there's been the odd comment: when is the stag? Etc....

Lucky for him all his friends are from the states so he said when they come over b4 wedding he might go out on an action packed day... Like you neither of us drink and unfortunately the majority of stag/hen does are all about getting off your trolley... Which really doesn't appeal to me!

Plus I hate all the tacky stuff... The fake willies/boobs... Blow up men/women I just hate it all... I wasn't going to have a hen either, but as I'm moving to the USA after the wedding my sis asked if she could arrange a ladies night out (no tacky stuff) as we may not have the chance again. I'm not 100% sure what she has planned, but I know it will not be tacky... Most of my friends are older and know what I'm like so I know it will be a fun weekend rather than a p**s up, and I'm really looking forward to it... She has mentioned lately that it's caused some friction... Some girls wanting to dress up/use tacky accessories/go on the p**s.... But she put her foot down and said that's not what it's about and if they don't like it don't come!!!


Just do what your happy to do... Seriously don't worry about anyone else!

[BluefishJD]

Cheers and thanks for the words of confidence...it's great to know I am not the only Groom2Be that thinks like this and like you and others have said it is my decision and not too worry about anyone else - it's funny and stupid as we have taking this frame of mind with everything else in our wedding as in size/guestlist etc etc - so stupid to start worrying about what others may think now! especially it being a stag which I don't agree with or see the point of in the first place - So think I'l just go with my gut feeling and say that I am definite about not having one as like what has been said before just not into it and think all the dressing up and S*&% that goes along with a stag/hen is just not my idea of "fun" - I think what you are doing, as in a "civilized" (That's probably wrong word as I am sure there still will be a bit of craic between ye ladies but you know what I mean...) ladies night out sounds great and as it is kinda like a "Leaving Party" or last night with the girls for awhile I think all the tack that is a Hen Night would take away from this so good on you for standing your ground. Mantra for the day and the continued planning process.....Seriously don't worry about anyone else!