mrs2be.ie

[fifi2012]

Last night while over at my htb brother (who is going to be his best man), we explained to him and his wife (who I am very good friends with) that we would prefer if they didn't bring their 5 and 1/2 month old daughter to our wedding- or at least the reception part. She is the cutest little angel and we love her to bits, but we just don't think weddings are great places for babies.
She will still be under 18 months by the time our wedding comes around and we did say that if she was a year or so older we would love to have had her as flower girl. They took the news ok- or at least they seemed too, but i've such a bad feeling that they are kinda hurt and shocked by it. I've been worrying about it all morning. I texted the babies mom earlier about something else and she hasn't replied yet-she ALWAYS replies straight away.
|We would like them both to be able to enjoy our wedding without having to worry about her. Also, you can't trust an 18 month old baby not to scream the place down even though she is generally a very good baby. Me and my htb are also secretly thinking that for 2 years, all the chat was about their wedding, and for the last year and a half, all the chat is about babies!! We would just like to have our wedding day to ourselves without the baby stealing the limelight off us cos even though we get on great with the babies mom and dad, we are sick of everything always having to be about them! You could say we are a little jealous I guess. Are we bad people?? Should I have kept my mouth shut??

[awhiletogo]

no, i think you've handled it fine, so i wouldn't worry. It is your wedding at end of the day and you are entitled to have it the way you want. I think most people would understand and like you said there, be glad of the day's break! Maybe they may have been a little surprised just and need a few days to get used to it. i know as a parent myself, when someone says to me at first they would prefer my daughter not to be at their wedding, there is a little while i do feel a bit upset, and it's not with the person at all, i totally understand people's reasons, it's hard to explain exactly what it is, must be deep rooted maternal thing! But after a day or two it's grand again, so don;t worry too much!
i obv don't know the circumstances here, but another problem i used to have was, as a single parent, i couldn't go to a few family weddings that didn't have children there, cos of the baby sitting issue. I don't know would your htb's brother and wife have any difficulties that way, but if so, that might be another reason they might be a bit put out? But But either way anyway, try not to worry, you've done nothing wrong nor are bad people in any way! Even if they are a bit peeved at minute, it'll be temporary and def not your fault!

[augustbride2012]

Okay - you're not bad people but this was not a good idea
1 - you have about 11 or 12 months until your wedding (I'm guessing that since baby is about 6mths now and will be about 18 at the wedding) so its early to making big rules and telling people.
2 - these are your in-laws and they are going to be family forever and making them your enemy is not a good idea and you have banned their baby from your wedding - from their point of view you have banned the newest member of their happy fantastic little family from a huge family event.
3 - maybe they haven't been the most sensitive of your feelings and have been a bit all about their lives but guess what? you've turned to that dark side now and its all about you and your wedding!

Babies make a fuss but that's for the parents to deal with not the bridal party. At the moment they are bonkers about their brillant little bundle and don't want to spend a minute about from her, but by the time your wedding comes around your inlaws might be dying for a night away from the baby and won't want to bring him/her along but at the minute you look like a the bad guy. I'd guess that your fsil won't be answering that text anytime soon.

[GetawayWeddingCars]

Hi,

A very contentious issue, there seems be two distinct schools of thought on the subject of having babies/children at your wedding. From when we see, well behaved babies/children are lovely addition to the day, people love to see babies and older children dressed up for the day and they are a great photo opportunity for relatives.

On the other hand, babies and children, for whatever reason, that are loud, restless, running around and becoming the centre of attention for the wrong reason, are a distraction from the day. One thing is for certain, if you see babies being brought into the church, then within 10mins, some of the babies will be exiting fast in the arms of a parent/guardian, usually screaming their lungs off (obviously not their fault, they are babies).

Sometimes, the baby belongs to a member of the wedding party, which means the ‘minder’ will probably miss the rest of the mass. Older children are no less prone to boredom or being restless, resulting in the same as above, except the parent/guardian will spend the rest of the mass running after junior around the car park. Of course, some families are totally ‘child friendly’, are want the whole family there to celebrate the wedding, and of course, that is fine too!

[mollybird]

ya i had put a post up on this a while back. i would prefer if my guests who did have little babies didn't bring them along on the day. i will just be bringing it up to them in a conversation with loads of time to arrange a babysitter etc. once it's brought up casually i hope it will go down well. it will be our day after all. so hope people can be understanding.

[letmeeatcake]

I think that you handled it fine. Babies are hard to keep under control at weddings, and toddlers even more so. She will be getting cranky from lack of sleep during the reception, and she may be well behaved, or she might scream the house down. I don't think it is acceptable to say that she is the responsibility of the parents, a crying child affects everybody within hearing range, whether it be at a church or at the reception. I think now is the perfect time to set the ground rules, as telling them a couple months before the wedding might leave them scrabbling for a babysitter. They have time to prepare, and get themselves organised. I think you did everything exactly as you should have, and if your in-laws are willing to fall out with you and refuse to speak to you over something so small, then they have bigger issues to be dealing with in their lives (like how can they raise a child if they are still acting like children themselves?!).

It is your day and you get to decide how it is organised. Chin up!

[fionab1385]

I had the same issue with my sister! We had always said from the word go that we were having no kids at our wedding and she had an absolute fit that her 10month old wouldn't be going, she said he was entitled to go blah blah blah. i just ignored it. The same girl was a pain in the bum when she was getting married and she demanded no kids at her wedding even though her H2B wanted to bring his nieces & nephews - she put her foot down and said under no circumstances was she going to have a screaming child in the church on HER day! Funny how people forget!!!!!!! In the end she has decided not to bring her baby but I never had another conversation with her about it

[IDoBelieveInFairys]

It's your big day and it is 100% up to the two of ye if ye want children/babies at your wedding.
I can understand for the church but in my expreance as stated above the person minding the child on the day brings the little one out of the church.
But at the reception there will be a lot of noise anyway and I don't think the little ones will make a diffrance, but each of their own.

I think atm they could be a little offended as it's there new little baby and want to show it off to the world.

But your not "bad people" she will get over it and accept it sooner or later.

Maybe you could ask not to bring the little ones to the church but they could come to the reception? Or is that not an option?

[ohlordy]

We have said that only immediate family can bring children, luckily for us there is only baby on my fiancé's side (and won't be any more before then) and I'm an only child That baby is 8 weeks old right now, so will be 2 when we get married, I told FSIL that she can bring her if she wants or don't if she doesn't want to, I have absolutely no problem with either decision because I love the little pet to bits, she said they'll probably leave her with someone because they won't be able to enjoy themselves with her there.

I think you handled it quite well, it's your wedding, and I totally agree that weddings are no place for children, I know others love having them there but I'm not really a kids kind of person and to have them at my wedding, the biggest and most expensive party of my life, would make no sense. I can't stand when they screech in the church and run around the reception and then fall asleep across all the chairs, I'm a horrible person, I know But the last five weddings I attended were all childfree events too, so a lot of people feel this way.

[Happily Married]

I don't think you handled it badly at all! My hubby will be best man for his best friend next year and our little one (as yet unborn) will be about 4.5 months old (if I go on time of course) As we only got married earlier this year ourselves I completely understand the no-babies-at-weddings rule - my own cousin wanted to bring his one month old newborn baby to our wedding, I told him no and what did he do?! Brought him anyway! I was raging! I'd never force my child on other people, and besides, that child would have been more comfortable at home that day rather than being handed from billy to jack iykwim! I have spoke to the bride about our child and have explained that my parents will be minding him/her but since my parents will be invited to the reception part of the wedding I have asked the bride if its ok to bring our child into the hotel (where we will be staying overnight so the child will be in our room, not the reception) while my parents wish them well etc and just so hubby and I can get to spend a little bit of time with him/her that day. Then the child will be going home with my parents for the night and we can enjoy the rest of the reception.
So in short, I do think you handled it well. If she wants to take the huff with you over that then its her problem but you and your h2b are completely entitled to not have babies or kids at your wedding at all!

[grogmg]

I dont think you are being too harsh, just let the dust settle on it for a bit and if it comes up again, just explain that you would love for the baby to be there, but would like if it was an adult event and like all the adults enjoy their day without having to worry about where the children are.

If you are making this rule for your h2b brother it has to be the same for your side of the family and any one else coming to the wedding. Perhaps your FBIL and his wife where thinking that you would be making their son and daughter pageboy and flowergirl rather than not having them. You never know coming closer to the wedding they might be happy enough to take them to the ceremony and them send them with the babysitter.

Perhaps call up to the house sometime yourself and have a wee chat to your FBIL wife, just the two of you and see how she really feels about it if she is still off with you in a while.

[MrsTK2B]

I think you handled it fine, just as long as you are consistent and don't let other people bring babies. Its good that you have given them loads of time to get a babysitter sorted. I'm having a problem with this issue myself. I explained our no children rule on the save the date cards and most people have been great about. I wanted to give lots of notice so people didn't book flights or hotel rooms for their children and then find out they are not invited.

However my sister and her husband insist that there child cannot be left with a babysitter, even though they had 8 months notice to find someone and let the child get to know her. And he's a normal, healthy, boisterous toddler, no special reason he can't be left. In fact, he goes to a creche and loves it. Last time it was mentioned they say child's father is staying home with him and not coming to the wedding. Hopefully that will change.

Other people, including FMIL, are delighted at no children rule. You can't please all of the people all of the time - so may as well just arrange the day you want.

[march13bride]

Being Honest, I'm sure you have your reasons but I can see why they are offended. That is your husbands niece, his family, and you don't want her at your wedding ? Just seems a bit like you don't care for her very much or don't see her as an important part of the family. I would certainly be offended in their shoes.

I can understand you not wanting loads of kids screaming etc at your wedding, I'm not inviting kids of friends or not close family either. My nieces(3) and h2b's nephews(3) will definitely be there though. They are my family and I want them there to celebrate our special day.

[puddy2shoes]

I think that you are entitled to have ur day the way u want it and make the rules the suit urselves. i can understand why the parents may b a bit upset.now im sure they will get over it but thats their pride and joy u've just excluded and u have to understand why they might be annoyed.
personally, i couldnt imagine my day without my 3 1/2 yr old niece.and my h2b's brother and wife r due their first baby next wk so he/she will be 6wks old by then. 2of our cousins who r traveling a distance r also due babies in d nxt few wks so they r bring them to the church. all the tiny babies are going home after the church and my niece's babysitter is staying at the hotel so she is taking her for the reception.

[march13bride]

PS Just want to add I'm not having a go, just trying to see how it might be from their point of view.