mrs2be.ie

[TanyaBranning]

Sorry, I seem to always be moaning!

Seriously am at 'killing' point with my BM (h2b side), who refuses to cooperate with anything! 5 weeks to go. She can only meet the dressmaker to have her dress altered for a three hour time frame this week. Absolutely no other time for the rest of this year. Okay, we worked around her. Now she doesn't know if she can do it, as she really needs to have her hair done in this time frame too. She is going to 'try' and make it. She doesn't know where it is so I need to meet her, I chose a meeting point that would suit us both, I have a lot to do that day. Doesn't suit her, she wants to meet at a totally different side of town to both of us, that really puts me out. But it's that or nothing. It puts her out too, but I am convinced she's doing it to be awkward. I haven't asked ANYTHING of her, so it's not like I'm demanding. I don't get on with my inlaws to be, they are pure awkward for the sake of it, you could not write about them! I feel at this stage she is looking for reasons to make me flip out with her but I am not rising to it. I gave in and agreed to meet her where she wants to meet, I shouldn't have but I did. I am sick of them making things awkward and when I speak up calling me a stressed out Bridezilla. The easy answer is let her wear the dress as it is. But that reflects on me and she will be in my wedding album for eternity looking like she's wearing a sack.

My own family have been great, and can't do enough for both of us, extended family and friends too. I feel for my h2b, 5 weeks to go and not one member of his family have picked up the phone to see if he is okay, if he needs anything. His parents are dead, and what drives me mad is on the day they will be walking around like the 'big i am' and demanding this and that and the other. And they have not been there once for my h2b. He knows this and it really upsets him. We had a big argument last night about this BM. Kills me for us to argue over them. We mde it up, but it still happened. Tears all around last night.

I have been writing my bridal speech and I make a reference to his parents, but that's it. I also say 'Thanks to h2b's family for welcoming me'. But that is as far as I can go. I can't be two faced and thank them for being great or for all their help as it would be a total lie.

He feels the same. I know we will be hammered for that as well.
Edited to say I could write a book on them it's not just this incident last night, it has been going on two years.
Eloping next time round

[fionab1385]

Jesus God love you, i would be fit to feckin strangle her! She seems to get great joy out of being awkard. My H2B best man is the same, and it's ruining it for H2B. She should be honoured to be asked to be Bridesmaid but I guess some people don't see it that way

I really don't know what to say to you to make it better cuz nothing I say will make her be less of a pain in the ass. Your poor H2B too with the lack of support, some people just get so wrapped up in their own bloody lives!

[TanyaBranning]

Thanks Fiona. She is ruining it for him too. She's my bm but she was his choice if you know what I mean.

He is such a great man, he hates conflict and though is family treat him terribly, he will still try to keep the peace with them. Admirable in one way, but it makes me livid to see him treated like this.

We met them at a family occasion a few months back, his sister gave him a load of grief about her grown up sons have no contact with him and he'd want lessons in being a better uncle. He said to her that he facebooks them, texts them and tries to ring them but only gets voicemail. Her response was 'but what do you want from the like? What more can they do?' A reply would be nice!

Being a better uncle to her means he should put his hands in his pockets more My h2b's brother does not speak to his family at all apart from my h2b. And I can see why. A year after their fall out all his sisters said was 'we only miss him for dosh for the kids'. OMFG like!!!!! What a thing to say!!!

[IRockedTheFrock]

I had a BM like this. Needless to say she got the sack pretty quick and I have never felt so relieved! Now i have a lovley BM and she has been AMAAAAZING!!!

[TanyaBranning]

I had a BM like this. Needless to say she got the sack pretty quick and I have never felt so relieved! Now i have a lovley BM and she has been AMAAAAZING!!!

You are dead right. With 5 weeks to go, it would cause WW3 and would result in my h2b's whole family boycotting the wedding. To me, that would not be a bad thing, but bad and all as they are it would break his heart.

We have agreed to keep it together for the sake of the wedding and have little or nothing to do with them after it.

[fionab1385]

Try to stay strong, it is so hard for you and this is the last thing you need with 5 weeks to go. If i near her i would love to thump her!!!!! 5 weeks for me too! Never mind her and enjoy the next 5 weeks as best you can x

[IRockedTheFrock]

I had a BM like this. Needless to say she got the sack pretty quick and I have never felt so relieved! Now i have a lovley BM and she has been AMAAAAZING!!!

You are dead right. With 5 weeks to go, it would cause WW3 and would result in my h2b's whole family boycotting the wedding. To me, that would not be a bad thing, but bad and all as they are it would break his heart.

We have agreed to keep it together for the sake of the wedding and have little or nothing to do with them after it.

Oh sorry huni I didnt realise it was only 5 weeks away! This happened to me 4 months before the wedding so more time to rearrange. You need to get yourself a ticker lol
Back to the point though, I think you are doing the right thing by not rising to it. That is what she wants and it's prob driving her mental that she is not succeeding. Is she married herself? If not, I would be keeping mental notes of her behaviour and when it comes to her big day you can just give her a taste of her own medicine

[TanyaBranning]

I get the feeling that she/they are daring me to sack her or let rip at her. They love to tell me I'm a stressed out Bridezilla. I'm not, but I must admit they bring out the shouty roary side of me alright. So refuse to rise to it.

She isn't married herself, but I don't buy into that theory of only understanding it better once you are married yourself. I was my SIL's bm many moons ago when I was a single lady and it didn't make me act like her. I was delighted to be asked, committed to it and worked around the bride.

Neither do I buy into the 'bride says jump, bm must say how high' idea. I have asked literally nothing of her. So I don't feel in the least bit bad asking her to attend HER fitting for HER dress. And as it is, it's all done to suit her and still isn't enough.

[alternativemrs2b]

ah hun, huge hugs to you You know you are likely right, she is trying to rise you to the point where you blow, so go you for not rising to it. Remember, whatever happens on the run up to your day and especially on YOUR day, dont let them get to you. It's seriously crap though, but you are nearly there

You know what, if she causes any more hassle to do with the dress fitting, you can always say (really calmly and so nicely), well if it really doesnt suit, this is the only time that we can get this done, maybe you dont want to be a bridesmaid, I really dont want to put you under pressure etc etc So dont get angry but be insanely nice about it, and I bet she wouldnt know what to do!

Oh dear, the bold side of me is coming out now (I am normally so passive lol)

[Mrs Brideog]

ah hun, huge hugs to you You know you are likely right, she is trying to rise you to the point where you blow, so go you for not rising to it. Remember, whatever happens on the run up to your day and especially on YOUR day, dont let them get to you. It's seriously crap though, but you are nearly there

You know what, if she causes any more hassle to do with the dress fitting, you can always say (really calmly and so nicely), well if it really doesnt suit, this is the only time that we can get this done, maybe you dont want to be a bridesmaid, I really dont want to put you under pressure etc etc So dont get angry but be insanely nice about it, and I bet she wouldnt know what to do!

Oh dear, the bold side of me is coming out now (I am normally so passive lol)

Yeah, kill her with kindness!!

[flomeo]

Aw Tanya that sucks!
Luckily you sound fairly laid back and dont have a short fuse (which sounds handy with this idiot!) but it wont look bad on you, it will look bad on her that she is in an ill fitting dress and hair and make up that mightnt suit! I know its your photos but you will look stunning so who really cares about her

Seriously though i know its a prob but you are doing the right thing and being so considerate to your fiancee, who sounds lovely , so you prob just need to keep thinking about all the great thing coming up in a few weeks and tell her sweetly that this is what she needs to do if she wants her dress to be right and her hair and make up is to be to her satisfaction.
I'm the exact same as you in that i dont think the bridal party needs to jump or do tasks but they shouldnt be awkward either!

Listen, you'll get over this and be married to a brilliant man you love and who loves you and thats the only thing that matters!

[flomeo]

Aw Tanya that sucks!
Luckily you sound fairly laid back and dont have a short fuse (which sounds handy with this idiot!) but it wont look bad on you, it will look bad on her that she is in an ill fitting dress and hair and make up that mightnt suit! I know its your photos but you will look stunning so who really cares about her

Seriously though i know its a prob but you are doing the right thing and being so considerate to your fiancee, who sounds lovely , so you prob just need to keep thinking about all the great thing coming up in a few weeks and tell her sweetly that this is what she needs to do if she wants her dress to be right and her hair and make up is to be to her satisfaction.
I'm the exact same as you in that i dont think the bridal party needs to jump or do tasks but they shouldnt be awkward either!

Listen, you'll get over this and be married to a brilliant man you love and who loves you and thats the only thing that matters!

[Virginia Woolf]

Fair play to you Tanya for being so level headed and not killing her because I actually would. Having said that you are dead right not to because at the end of the day you will be the bigger person. Its awful that you have to include her in your big day when she is obviously trying to make your life difficult but she is so not worth you stressing or your tears. Big hugs hun

[Mrs H 2013]

Well done on the restraint .... I would have killed her by now !!!