mrs2be.ie

[BluefishJD]

all this question has been sparked by MrsKohoe2be's post on "How much to pay the priest? As well as having to pay for the use of the church we also have to (well more want to) give the priest something for his time but do we then on top of that have to invite him to the dinner as well? What are you doing - I know if the priest was a family member or close to the family he'd be brought but is it the norm to bring your priest to the reception if you don't know him that well? Any thoughts very welcome as at the moment I would have thought the donation was enough as a Thank You?

[bingowings]

Yeah Bluefish I think it's the norm to have the priest at dinner. Obviously up to you but in my experience and any wedding I've been to the priest is always invited to the dinner. He usually heads off after the dinner though. Also all the weddings I've been to the priest is at the top table but again you don't have to do this if you are inviting him. He will usually do the grace before and after the meal too. I don't think inviting him to the dinner is seen as a thank you more of a consideration if you know what I mean. I'd say half the time they don't want to go to the meal anyway. We'll be inviting ours but I've a feeling he's not going to attend anyway.

[Mallow]

Personally I believe it to be the norm, we did it not because it was the norm but because our priest was just so nice, we had him to our house for drinks with our families after the rehearsal too. If I was to be very honest I would think it was rude not to ask him, he is a major part of the day, in fact there are 3 people involved in the actual important bit, you, your oh and the priest, he has just married you, I think that at least requires an invitation to celebrate the marriage he has just performed the ceremony for - but that is just my opinion. We still paid him, although he insisted many times before he didn't want to be paid, so we gave him a big box of chocolates, a thank you card and €150.00, worth every penny, imo

[Virginia Woolf]

Ya we're inviting the priest to our dinner. Like the other girls I think its the norm to invite to the priest and we'll put €150 in a card

[BluefishJD]

Hey thanks for the responses - cleared up a few things in my head I was just unaware if you had to or what indeed was the norm as some weddings I attended had him there and others not but I just didn't know if that was because he couldn't attend or if it was that he wasn't asked and can see your point bingo wings more as consideration than anything else and never looked at it that way mallow but suppose yes indeed he is very much part of the important piece! I don't know about all this grace stuff though? Presume can ask him not to do it - not my cup of tea and bingowings you've thrown a spanner in the works - the top table? Unfortunately that doesn't sit with my plans but am sure he'll be happy enough sitting at the family table. Thanks again and sure as Bingo Wings has said he may not want to or can't attend anyway so no need to worry about it.

[fionab1385]

We are going to invite ours alright but doubt he will come. I don't mind either way.

[bingowings]

The grace is the prayer before and after the meal. It's no biggie at all. They are very short and sweet and it's just a way of starting and finishing the meal. You can ask him not to do it but he might be a bit offended but that depends on the priest. If you're having a catholic ceremony though it shouldn't be a big deal. As for where he sits I'm sure the priest won't mind sitting elsewhere it's not set in stone that he sits at the top table that's just what I've seen done.

[BluefishJD]

Cheers BingoWings as always a fountain of knowledge - I'd just be wary of the fact that as we will have such a mixed crowd (religiously/culturaly and linguistically) will this grace fall on deaf ears - sure suppose don't mind either way we can decide on that one closer to the date and not that I don't want him on the top table but usually weddings have a full bridal party (3/4 BM's & GM) plus parents and then the priest where as what I am planning is for only the 6 of us on the top table (Bridesmaid plus partner, Bestman plus partner and then us) and may look odd him stuck on the end so to speak but as I said am sure if he comes he'll be fine down at the family table - my grandmother loves him (not in that kinda way!! but you know what I mean) so she can keep him company!

[bingowings]

This is the grace before meals that was drummed into us in school:

Bless us O Lord as we sit together, bless the food we eat today, bless the hands that made the food, bless us O'Lord, Amen.

After meal:

Thank you God for the food we have eaten, Thank you God for all our friends. Thank you God for everything, Thank you God. Amen

There's variations to it and the priest might just say Thanks for the food we are about to receive, Amen and then Thank you for the food we have just received, Amen.

Putting the priest beside Granny is perfect, she'll keep him occupied. Ours is going on the top table (if he decides to come) but all of our family weddings had the priest at the top table. Haven't decided yet which mammy he will be put beside but probably mine.

[waterplily]

We're inviting our priest to the dinner. I haven't really thought about where to put him sitting, but for any wedding I've ever been to the priest has sat at the top table. If I go with that I'll put him beside my family because at least he'll know them.

[TanyaBranning]

I'd say it's pretty much the norm to invite the priest. I have never heard of a couple marrying in church where the priest wasn't invited. I guess you can sit him where ever you want, but he's a pretty VIP guest as far as I am concerned. After all, he performed the most important duty of the day, marrying you He's played a far more important role than the best man or the bridemaid or the florist, or photographer etc My priest is a family friend so he is coming but he may have to come late as he'll have to say mass on the Saturday evening at 6pm. With so few priests these days, they are stretched a lot so don't often come these days.

Grace takes seconds and as you are marrying in church and having your marriage blessed, it wouldn't be out of place to bless your loved ones before you sit down and break bread together.

[MrsTK2B]

We'll probably invite our priest but fairly certain he wont come as the wedding is a Saturday and he will need to do the Saturday evening masses and our hotel is a bit of a drive from his parish. I'm actually hoping he doesn't come. I'm not Catholic and neither are my parents or the bestman but H2B and his family are. It seems like enough of a compromise to have the catholic wedding for me. And there's no way I can put him at the top table with my parents. My mother would never be able to keep her opinion of the catholic church to herself! If he does come I think I will put him sitting with my grandparents, as they will be the only people he knows anyway. Not sure what to do about grace if he shows up. Maybe I should tell him the wrong hotel.... No, I wouldn't really do that!

[fifi2012]

Well my uncle is a priest and is marrying us in my local church. I presume that my parish priest will be there too so I presume i'll have to invite him to the dinner. Me or by h2b don't go to mass and have asked my uncle to do a wedding ceremony without the mass- ie without the communion part. My cousin had something similar a few years ago. The reason we are having it in a church is to keep my parents and grandparents happy. We discussed it with them before we made the decision and they said they wouldn't consider us properly married if we didnt do it in a church. And I know my grandparents would be worrying about my soul forever more!! Nehooo, neither my uncle or the local pp will be sitting at the top table. If we had a civil ceremony the registrar wouldn't even be invited to the reception so I don't see why a priest should be any more special. Also, there will be no grace before or after meals. We don't want to be complete hypocrites- even though I have no idea how we are going to approach that. I'd say my grandad will nearly cough loudly and stand up and start grace thinking we forgot!! Weddings- all about keeping everyone else feckin happy!

[April2012]

Personally i think the priest should be invited to the reception also. It is the done think normally. I know on our pre marriage course they said just send the priest an invite like everyone else. leaves less hasstle wondering if he will go or having to ask him in person.

[TGR]

We are not inviting the priest to the reception. Honestly, I never even thought that we had to, especially since we have having a reception with family only. Moreover, h2b is not the Catholic party (I am), and since I live out of the country I've only ever met the priest the once. He's only agreeing to do the wedding as he is a casual friend of my future father in law. But all this talk has got me thinking- will have to talk it over with h2b and his parents and see what they think.