mrs2be.ie

[evsybaby]

getting stressed - i have a small family 14 in total that is everyone I have no aunties uncles cousins etc... my h2b has a BIG BIG family ... We have booked somewhere for 100 people said we would probably go to 120 altogether as I didnt like the idea of an afters. But now i dont know , there is no way we can keep the guest list to 100 people... my list alone is 86!! and thats all people i genuinely would like to share my day with... my other halfs is going to be huge.. as his immediate family and then aunts and uncles comes to 46 !! and thats not including cousins or friends for him ...

So what is the deal with afters... we are getting married in Trim we are both from dublin.. i dont think its appropiate to invite people to an afters thats in a differtent county .. or is this me worryingtoo much ? I have never been invited to just the afters for a wedding so maybe thats why i think like this where as my darling hubby to be has ...

has anyone else got this trouble/ dilema its actually making me lose sleep

oh and our wedding is on a thursday so again would people go to an afters that is 50minutes away driving on a 'school' night??

help

[Lorraine78]

Your situation is similar in parts to mine.I've a very small family and his is huge.Our 1st try at the guest list came out at 180,but with our budget we had to cut it right back to 120.I cut out people that i hadn't been in touch with for a while.It's trickey to cut the family down as you cant invite one aunt then not invite the other. I'm getting married on a Thursday too and the only people i'm inviting to the evening is my work mates who cant get the day off.

[Ciarafee]

I feel your pain! Exact same situation except I wanted small and he wanted big. Huge sompromises so we aimed for 50 for dinner now at 80 and 200 for afters now at 300. After the weekend I have had with the SIls we didn't get it right so may I strongly suggest that your h2b has these discussions now to avoid major amount of tears . As my friend just told me they are men and while we may have had the discussion and I had the discussion with family and friends he didn't!
So we are planning a big party now.
Have just requested every body come along and enjoy themselves. Planning to start early before 8pm rather than usual 10 ish! Plus airport hotel so early finish.
I just people to enjoy themselves and people make a wedding!

[sam-4-bob]

We are inviting 220 adults and 30kids to the day . We also have a large evening list as H2B is a member of the soccer club, gaa club, gun club, snooker club and more!!! Our hotel is in the town and everyone invited is within 30 mins of it (excluding family from uk who are coming to the full day)

[evsybaby]

ah thanks - glad its not only me who was worryiong about this... anyweay we have decided we will go for an afters... should we put a bus on to bring people there and back? would people come of their own accord if they have to make their way to it? A coach will be expensive wont it ?/

[Ciarafee]

we looked at a coach and intially H2B was insisting on paying for it.
Glad to say he has sensible friends who had organised a bus but did not pay for it!!!!!
We have appointed 1 responsible person to look after it and take the money off those travelling so works out at €20 return from Wicklow up to dublin.
turns out not that many want it.
so dont stress.
they only organised a bus on sunday for the stag which is this weekend!
sometimes we have to remember most of the people we are inviting are adults!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[evsybaby]

Yeah i kind of think the bus would be hugely expensive and some mightnt bother using it ... and what do you do with afters do you send invites seperate... what if someone has been invited to the whole thing but rsvps no if they cant get time off from work say ... will they know to say that they could come to the afters or do you include both invites in envelopes ... god i dont know getting myself all confused... is there a section on invite and guest list etiquette..

[Ciarafee]

Stop stressing!!!!!!!
Only one invite per envelope.
If people cant get time off work they will most definietly speak to you.......... if they dont speak to you well then they probably should not be invivted to the day if they dont feel they can pick up the phone to you!!!!!!!!!!!
Yes separate invites for afters

[evsybaby]

ah thanks - will get it all straight in my head once we make our list properly tonight ... then I can get pricing invites etc... think im worrying too much on other peoples behalf

[Ciarafee]

I can teel you know no mater what you do and even if you think you have thought of everything you wont please everybody.
after our invites went out last week we had a good few compaints follows rows and tears.
do what you want to do and worry about no one else.
It is your wedding.
I've learned the hard way

[Mrsrichie2b]

I know what you are saying. We are having a small wedding, 35 including children. I have a huge family and so does my h2b but we both wanted the small wedding. We are getting married in Wexford on a Thursday and we r both from Dublin so instead of getting 100 plus people traipsing to wexford we are having a party in a function room in a Dublin hotel with a dj and finger food, so its essentially like a wedding evening reception but on a different day. Means i get to wear my dress twice and we get to do our first dance twice Might not be everyones cup of tea but it suits us. we will be having 150 plus to the celebration(hate calling it a party) and my h2b really cudnt cope with the thoughts of that many to our weddinf so it works out great1

[flomeo]

I feel your pain! Exact same situation except I wanted small and he wanted big. Huge sompromises so we aimed for 50 for dinner now at 80 and 200 for afters now at 300. After the weekend I have had with the SIls we didn't get it right so may I strongly suggest that your h2b has these discussions now to avoid major amount of tears . As my friend just told me they are men and while we may have had the discussion and I had the discussion with family and friends he didn't!
So we are planning a big party now.
Have just requested every body come along and enjoy themselves. Planning to start early before 8pm rather than usual 10 ish! Plus airport hotel so early finish.
I just people to enjoy themselves and people make a wedding!

Wow Ciarafee I've never heard this before! What a huge afters!
We are looking at a guest list of about 270 and really couldnt pare it down much more. We've been at about 30 weddings in the past 3 yrs so that alone took up a large chunk and none of them are family. We passed over a lot of places we loved and were more initimate because we just needed a venue that would hold all our guests for dinner. Never dawned on me to keep dinner tight and open up afters. Our wedding is away from where we both live though so afters wont work now anyway- cant ask guests to drive 3 hours for the evening part.
Guest lists are such a tricky part of it.