mrs2be.ie

[AnCiotog]

My h2b and I want to keep our numbers as low as we can with close friends and family it's still coming close to 140 people. I really don't want to invite every single couple that i've ever attended their wedding, is that rude? A lot of these weddings took place when the Celtic Tiger was in Ireland and were almost twice as large as the one we're planning. Have other people had issues like this, and if you have, did you end up adding them to the guest list just to keep them happy or did you stick to your guns? I don't want to upset anyone, but we're having to build a house as well and money will be tight for me.

[bingowings]

I know it's not as easy as this but invite who you want. If they are not on your phone and you don't see or talk to them at least once every month or so then you don't have to invite them. Like you I've been to a load of weddings in the boom time and have managed to keep most of my friends close but there are a few that I don't see anymore for no reason other than times change getting, older etc. I won't be inviting them to the wedding even though I went to theirs. I think people will understand. You can always give them an afters invite.

I certainly wouldn't expect an invite from someone I hadn't seen in a long time but that's just me. Hunny you're just not going to please everyone!

Just saw 5 days since your engagement. I'd say you're still buzzing. Love that feeling!

[AnCiotog]

Buzzing's not the word. I didn't think it was possible to love my man anymore than I did already, but there was something about the last 5 days that's moved it up another bit on the scale! Glad to see that someone else won't be going down the madness route. I really want a wedding with the most important people to us, and people I have no contact with are not those I want there! I've already had people assuming they'll be attending and they're not on the list!

[Mallow]

Just make up rules and stick them hun, invite who like, I didn't invite everyone who'd weddings I had been to. Remember weddings are expensive for the guest too so if you haven't seen people in ages then odds are they will be happy not to be invited (no offense but it's true), most people just don't want the expense unless they are close to the couple, I think anyway, I know I've gotten invites to people I'm not close to and been raging!! - Go and no nobody which costs a fortune - don't go and still have to give a gift - all for an invite really that shouldn't have been given, do you get me? people might be as pleased not to get one if your not as close so don't feel too much pressure

[TanyaBranning]

Congrats on your engagement!

Make a budget and a list and stick to it, 140 is loads! You can only do what you can do.

[BluefishJD]

and congrats bingo wings has some very wise words there We are very much in the same frame of mind when it comes to our wedding quest list and what we want for our day - which is a small intimate wedding with just immediate family and our close friends and if that is what you want then you stick to your guns and don't fall victim to outside pressure - we have kept our guest list to people that really mean something to us and have been there for us - basically not your typical irish affair where every tom, dick and harry and their neighbor gets invited just so as they won't be talking!!!

Remember weddings are expensive for the guest too so if you haven't seen people in ages then odds are they will be happy not to be invited (no offense but it's true), most people just don't want the expense unless they are close to the couple, I think anyway, I know I've gotten invites to people I'm not close to and been raging!! - Go and no nobody which costs a fortune - don't go and still have to give a gift - all for an invite really that shouldn't have been given, do you get me? people might be as pleased not to get one if your not as close so don't feel too much pressure

Like Mallow we've been to a couple of weddings in recent past but doesn't mean we are going to be inviting them to ours! - at one or two it felt like we were part of a rent a crowd due to the fact we didn't even really know the couple (was only at it because my sister insisted) and were invited for the sake of inviting people - I know it's awful but basically we were there to pay for the wedding - that's my own opinion....

anyway basically you are not going to always please everyone but as you start this journey one thing I have learnt and will pass on to you is that it should be just you and your H2B that you need to please - stick to your guns - it's your day so invite who you want to share your special day with and be strong when drawing a line as it is hard.

[Littlemisscupcake]

I completely agree with bingo wings about the phone book. I always said this even before we got engaged. We have about the same numbers as you and that is pretty much family and close friends. As it was said by someone else people do not appreciate the invite to a wedding where you are not a close friend as they are very expensive for people. I have heard people giving out that we are having a 'small wedding' but we are sticking to our guns...

[BluefishJD]

We heard the same LMCC....sure ya can't be having a "small wedding"....and this wasn't people from our family!! Some people have a cheek but we nipped this in the bud right at the start and our family and close friends have been extremely helpful/understanding throughout and feck the others - like LMCC said above and others and I before stick to your guns! One thing I read which stuck with us - If you haven't had a full blown conversation with the person in over a year then they are off the list - harsh maybe (well i thought it was great!) and kept our list under control:)

[MrsK07]

I would suggest refining as best as you can and then...
get someone who you trust but wont have a bias with relation to the list to read out the names and ask you questions like, when did you see them last etc...

Like our BM did for us... cut out all the excess that we did not consider beforehand! ( Thanks Mallow! )
There were cousins etc.. I had not seen in years, an uncle I felt obliged to invite, but decided with help of DH and Mallow I had only ever met the man once before the wedding when I was like 5!

[augustbride2012]

Congrats - only engaged a few days the first few days are brilliant so exciting .

I've noticed you have a few posts up about different things - bands etc and I don't want to be all nosey but just wish someone had told me to enjoy your engagement, forget about the wedding arrangements for a while or do them and just discuss it with your H2B.

I've made so many mistakes discussing the wedding with my family and they have driven me mental , I had a normal enough family who seemed to lose their marbles since the wedding planning started. My sisters launched into wedding planning and dragged me with them with their excitement and I kind of ended up not appreciating the special time just after getting engaged cause then they started immdediately about the date, who was going to be bridesmaids, the guestlist, the hairdresser etc etc.

Like the old saying goes - Keep your own counsel or talk to other misses

Hope you don't think I'm trying to rain on your parade but you sound so happy and in love that I'd just want to give you a big protective hug.

[AnCiotog]

Yeah you're too right! It's just that we have a huge amount to do, like building a house and I'm very unbride like so I wanted not to get anything wrong. We're hugely excited, but already I've had people inviting themselves to the wedding that's not even got a date yet! Very disheartening!

[BluefishJD]

but already I've had people inviting themselves to the wedding that's not even got a date yet! Very disheartening!

We have and still do come across this...people inviting themselves......little do they know our invites are out and they obviously didn't get one - When this happened first we found ourselves trying to explain ourselves as in "we're having a small wedding etc etc" but then copped on and realized I don't have to justify our decisions of what size wedding we wanted or indeed who and who was not getting an invite - just let it in one ear and out the other - we even had a girl (let's just say an acquaintance as I would do my best to avoid her at the best of times) who offered her services to sing at our wedding as sure she'd be there anyway again never next nor near the guest list would she be!

[MrsAgnew2Be]

It's hilarious really - people do lose their marbles when weddings are mentioned!! I rang my friend to tell her - was soooooo excited! She replied with - would I be presumptious to ask am i a bridesmaid? Now she was on the list but I really only wanted 2 bridesmaids 3 at a stretch.; My sister and my friend in New Zealand were definites - then this girl and my cousin (who's son I am godmother to and I was her bridesmaid) were maybes? I was totally not prepared for the question so just said yes in all the excitement - cousin has not got a look in so!! Am gearing myself up to say something to her about it! really don't want 4 as for me I think it is too many! There is no legislating for people so I guess the moral of the story is - Don't even try!

[fionab1385]

We wanted to keep ours small too so only invited people that are in our day to day lives and the rest can come to the afters. We have sent out invitations to 116 so will probably end up with 100 or so sitting on the day which is perfect. We have another 80 or so to invite to the evening!

[Cheekymrs10]

have a number in mind and stick to it.. Otherwise you wouldnt know where to stop.. The reception will be the bulk of your budget so you have to be strict. When doing your guest list bear in mind there will be approx 15% refusal rate.. Have the people you most want to the day and everyone else to the evening (maybe work collegues, acquaintes)