mrs2be.ie

[mrsmccormack2b]

It is with a heavy heart that I write this post. I have decided to exclude my Mam from our wedding day.
It's been a long & hard decision I've had to make but feel that on the day it will be for the best.

She is an alcoholic for the past 15 years & refuses to admit that she has a problem. After her last overdose last week, which the fifth in total, I said to H2B that I've had enough, I can't take anymore of her selfish ways and am going to write her a letter to tell her that I am cutting all ties with her & she is not welcome on the wedding day.

I know on the day I will miss her but I will be longing for the mother that died 15 years ago when she started problem drinking & stopped being there for me.

I can't accept the Mam I have been left with & will be worrying myself stupid on the day that she doesn't turn up looking like a mess, half drunk & make a show of our family.

Just wondering if anyone else has had a similar experience?

[Virginia Woolf]

Oh hun I havnt had a similar experience but couldnt read your post and not reply. I cant even imagine how hard this is for you but I think you are very brave. No matter what anyone says to you they probably dont understand the situation so you need to do whats best for you. I honestly dont know what to say to you. Do you think this might be the reality check she needs and might agree to get help? Probably doubtfull after 15 years

[IRockedTheFrock]

Hey hun

I am similar but different.

I am not inviting my father to my wedding day. Your case is much worse because that is really painful what you are going through. At least I dont really remember a happier time with my dad, that would be harder. But you are'nt alone, there are so many brides & grooms that exclude their mums or dads for whatever reason. At the end of the day, it is your big day and nobody elses. If you know you wont enjoy your day if a certain person is there, then you have to think about yourself and exclude them.

Dont be too sad hun, you shouldnt have to feel like this because of choices somebody else made.

[pollyi2b]

Brave decision. I have a similar issue with my dad. Im still trying to decide what to do.

[mrsmccormack2b]

Thanks girls, it does feel better to know that I'm not alone in what I am going through......some people would even put off big days like this just so they don't have to make this decision!

BeckyM, I suppose I'm secretly hoping that maybe this will be her rock bottom but I'm doubtful it will make a difference. She's so wrapped up in her drinking there isn't room for anyone else.

Mrsb2b, how did your family react when you told them or was it a given??

Pollyg, good look with your decision, it's a tough one!

[MrsT]

You have to do what is best for you, you dont need the additional stress of that worry on the day. It sucks, and it will be sad but as the children of alcoholics we have to make the choice to look after ourselves and realise that the alcoholic parent is an adult making the choice to drink. Yes addiction can be hard but there has to come a time when we say enough is enough and we cant let that person dominate out lives anymore. I know exactly where you are coming from , had a similar choice to make at the beginning of this year but somehow after the recent 8 years on it shes been 6 months on the dry! She decided to stop. But it will always be there at the back of my mind and i'll never trust it 100% to stay like this. The threat of not being allowed to come must have registered, ill never really know because its still not really talked about! Good luck. Here to talk if you need to. Have 25 years experience of it and I know exactly what you mean about missing the mother that died 15 years ago, i would have said the same. Its like someone having a terminal illness and you are just waiting for that call. If you are like me you have probably put most of your energy into trying to help her or fix her. This one day is about you. Put yourself first. xxx

[IRockedTheFrock]

Mrsb2b, how did your family react when you told them or was it a given??

For most of them it was a given as they know we havent spoken in 8 years. Some of his sisters (my aunts) have said things like 'would you not think about it'' and ''you might regret it later'' etc...but they arent pushing me as they dont know the full story and they are still coming to the wedding either way so its not too difficult to handle.

And I wont regret it later so I dont really care what everyone else thinks. It would ruin my day so I dont even need to think about it.

I would imagine your family would be even more understanding than mine though, alcoholism can destroy families, everyone knows that.

[Mallow]

I don't know what your going through either hun, but I also wanted to say fair play to you, it can't be easy and as you said yourself many bury their heads in the sand and decide not to get married so they don't have to make the decision at all. I think fair play to you for not compromising the wedding you want so as not to have to make this decision. Well done and I hope everything works out and your mam gets a wake-up call from this

[mrsmccormack2b]

Thanks again girls, I'm feelin the love today !!!

MrsTwillbe that's fantastic news, fair play to your Mam, I know that it's always in the back of your head that they could relapse at least for now you don't have to worry about her so much!

B2b123, I don't think I'll regret it either, I regret the situation but I didn't make it so I can't fix it, I can only react to it! She'll regret missing it! I'm her only daughter so it's never going to be as specialf for my parents!

I've written the letter, gonna mull on it for another few days and then send it! Wish me good luck!

[MrsT]

Good luck! Let us know how you get on

[MrsCB2b]

Good luck hun! I don't know what it's like but you sound like you've thought this through and are doing this calmly and not on an impulse.

[Nan]

Sorry to hear your situation, my mom is an alcoholic, but I one of the lucky ones, because thankfully she was able turn her life around almost ten years ago now and hasn't drank since. I know where you're coming from though, because there was a time when I used to think, would I be able to have her at my wedding.
Its so frustrating when someone you love can't see the error of their ways, but you have to look after yourself too. x

[MrsEL10]

I have no advice here but I just wanted to say fair play it can't have been easy making that decision

Just make sure that you will be able to look back on the day and have no regrets - do the day the way you want it

[fionab1385]

I am so sorry for what you are going through, it's in my direct family also so I feel your pain xx

[sweetie1]

Just wanted to sympathise with you for having to make such a difficult decision. I hope everything works out for the best...hugs to you...