mrs2be.ie

[future mrs b]

im getting married in april 2013 and we have everything that we need already (toasters, cutlery, crystal photo frames etc..) we're paying for the wedding mostly ourselves so wat we would really like is money for the honeymoon and to get some bits done in the house or to put away for the baby we're hoping to have after the wedding, is it really unacceptable to ask for money instead of a gift as a wedding present?? i know myself that my friend got married in august and she told us that she just wanted money but that was only to her close friends, ive heard of people putting a little poem in the invitations to say that they already have whatever they need and if someone is gonna get them something just put money in a card, personally if i got in invitation that had something like that id be delighted cos it also takes the pressuure of not knowing what to get them either, i got my friend a small antique figureine just for something to wrap and put money in a card for her and she was delighted.
does anyone have any advice on this??? it'd really help

[bingowings]

Personally I think it's a bit rude to ask for money let alone a present. Sorry I really don't mean to come across as sounding harsh and after all you are asking for advice before doing anything. While I don't expect presents I know people will get us presents but I definitely won't be asking them for money. My mum mentioned it to me the other day, she said if anyone asks what present they can get you will I just tell them money. I was a bit uncomfortable with it but said whatever she thought as I couldn't think of anything we needed as we are in our house a long time now. As for other presents there is no way you can get away with just getting money particulary with the older guests as some find that giving money as presents isn't the done thing so expect a bit of ainsley pottery or two! Honestly I wouldn't go with the poem thing in the card. If I got that from someone I'd be thinking cheeky mare. Sorry just my opinion!

[future mrs b]

no i dont think ur breing rude at all, im new at all this so i dont know whats the done thing or not, i dont want our guests under any pressure to get anything but i know realistically most prople would get something, maybe if people ask ill just say that already have the house n we dont need anything else r something like that.
thanks for the advice

[TanyaBranning]

We have a fully furnished house, and I don't really have room for any lamps etc. But with 7 weeks to go to the wedding I guess it's time now when this will come up. I would NEVER ask for money. Not in a million years, even though I would prefer it to 20 lamps or picture frames that may not be to my taste or that I can ever house if I lived to be 100. But the bottom line is I won't ask for it.

I know what you are saying about having it for a honeymoon or for a babys arrival but I still wouldn't ask for it. We have budgetted so that we could afford the wedding that we want and a honeymoon, and not have to be ripping open envelopes in the days leading up to and on the day to pay the band/photographer/florist etc. I would never bank on money for a honeymoon, new baby or otherwise, as you never know what you will get. Times are changed now and not everybody can afford to give money. I always have and always will give money, I wouldn't like to assume somebody else's tastes.

My advice is to enjoy your wedding planning. You have 2 years or thereabouts to save enough money for a nice honeymoon and wedding. Don't count on money to pay for it, as you may be sorely disappointed. Any cash gifts you do get, treat as a nice little bonus

[TanyaBranning]

A few people have asked my parents if we need anything specific or would we prefer the money? My mam just says 'era they've been together years they have all they need really' and then they seem to follow itup with 'Cash it is then'. But I wouldn't get her to say "No, no lamps, they need money" if you know what I mean.

Also if I got the poem in the card I'd think they had the cheek of the devil and would most definitely buy a present and have it engraved with their names Some people don't mind it, you said yourself you don't, but it's one of the things I see as cheeky and crass. Sorry.

[clairemc29]

I dont think it is rude to say you would just prefer money if people ask you upfront what do you want or what would you prefer - but i do think it is rude to put it on the card or even in a poem. As others have said times are a lot different these days and most people dont have as much cash to spare for a wedding gift so would prefer to buy a present instead. And I would hate someone to feel under pressure to have to give me money if they didnt have it. If relatives ask my parents what to get us my parents know to say i would prefer money as i dont need anything for my home etc. otherwise i suppose you just have to accept what you are given and just hope it isnt unwanted china or a set of towels!!!!

It is easy to get caught up in it all and try to forecast how much money you might get off guests - but by doing that i think you are setting yourself up to be disappointed because people just dont have the money they used to have..

[gigglebiz]

OK, my point of view....and PLEASE don't take it up wrong either....just my opinion but this is what we're doing......we decided when we knew we were getting married that we weren't going to do it unless we had all the money saved (and believe me its been such a struggle and I still don't know how we're going to finish paying it off ) and if we couldn't afford a honeymoon straight away and all that then so be it....we'd start saving again. Anybody who has even remotely suggested a present or money we have said no. We put in our invites too to just come and enjoy the day with us and don't bring presents/ money. Its very tough out there for everybody these days and I know personally I have turned down wedding invitations cos I couldn't afford a present (even though I really wanted to go). I'd hate my guests to feel that pressure and turn down the invite......... Stressing again that this is just how we're doing it...... x

[tandybo]

I dont think your been rude at all. At the end of the day I see totally where you are comin from....I am not till 2013 aswell and I dont know where we are suppose to pull money from. We have our house and a daughter so we are settled for everything. Loads of our friends got married last year and although they never put a poem in with the invites, they did make it clear to nearly all guests that they wanted money. It made it so much easier to be honest but we had 6 weddings in 4 months so it ended up been pricey on us.
We got an invite one year with the poem in it and I had mixed feelings on it....each to their own I suppose but I am with you 100% with the money

[alternativemrs2b]

Well, we always give money when we go to weddings, as its generally what people want. I have to say though, the amount of money we give has reduced a good bit in the last year and a half, just cant afford it now, but I reckon people understand that (well hope they do!!). I wouldn't ask for money though, I would feel funny about doing that. A couple of friends from England did the following, which is pretty cool, if you dont want to ask for money, but would like it towards your honeymoon. There is a website "buyourhoneymoon.com" where you can list things you would like e.g. dinner, upgrade of room, balloon ride etc and your guests can pick from your list and buy you a gift that way. It's a UK website though, so wondering if there is an irish version of it out there, might be worth checking out if you fancied that kind of thing. I have never heard of or seen the poem idea!! Good luck with it!!

[Princess13]

I too think it would be rude to put it in with the invites, and would never think of doing it! If people ask you what you would prefer then fair enough say you would prefer money! But I def wouldn't put it on the invite!

[irskdansk]

Funny enough I discussed this with my friend when she got engaged and before she asked me to be bridesmaid. I got the feeling she'd prefer money but didn't know how to ask people. So I've decided to go the money route as I know they'll put it to good use.

But then the question is how much? I hadn't been to many weddings before and when I went to a friend's a few years ago I was gobsmacked to hear from lots of people that apparently there's a minimum you must give? seriously?! And here was me thinking it was the thought that counts when giving a present.

So I'm a bit worried that I won't meet the correct minimum, especially as I am also a bridesmaid. What do you girls recommend?

[BluefishJD]

This is one part of the wedding we dislike - we have invited these people as our guests to share in the joy of our wedding day not to be worrying about how much or what to give - we have made it clear that we don't want our wedding to be an expense on our guests especially in this current economic climate (Our house's floor space & beds have already been booked hahahaha) - we have also been invited to weddings were I know we were just invited to pay for it (as in they added up their guest list to cover costs) and have even heard of a girl my sister knows who asked their mutual friend "How much she made" as she wanted to approximate on how many guests to invite to cover it (I have since heard from my photographer that their guest list has gone over 400!!!) - I just find it very rude and as I have said to anyone that has asked - you are being invited as our guest (hence we are keeping the guest list to just people we want to share our day with and not inviting people for the sake of inviting people) and I wouldn't mind if ya landed up with a toaster! As long as you make that is all we want. I do think it is a bit much to say you want money as gifts, especially on the invite as I feel it should be left to the guests discretion on what to give but lets face it the way weddings have gone in this country nowadays most people only give cash gifts anyway as it is seen as the "Done Thing" but I certainly wouldn't be relying on it to pay for the wedding! Sorry about the but I think it is already expensive enough on guest to attend a wedding without adding on a certain amount as a gift - I only found out recently that my mother gave €200 to a couple who's wedding she attend last NYE on her own! I think she was but she said that is what she thought would be expected?!? It is a touchy subject - well in my eyes and everyone is going to have their own opion and I just wanted to add mine - Also like to point out I am not dissing or anyways negative to the original poster of this thread it's just my thoughts on the topic of money gifts in general

And just to add to your post Irskdansk - as Bridesmaid I would have thought all your help/advice/time etc etc during the run up to and the planning of the wedding would have been gift enough? and maybe add a more personal gift that doesn't have to be costly just as a mark of acknowledging her decision to choose you as a bridesmaid rather than worrying about how much money to give? - I know personally I would be embarrassed if my Bestman or our Bridesmaid turn around with an OTT gift especially if it's money as they have already been very helpful to both of us and we are still 4 months out but again just my opinion!

[MrsTK2B]

I also think its a bit cheeky to ask for money on the invitation. Its different if someone asks what you would like. Then you can say you don't expect anything, don't need anything specific and if they really want they could give you cash towards wedding/honeymoon/house stuff etc. Most people will give cash without asking though.

We're in the old fashioned position of not yet living together, just bought our house this week and if we are really lucky will get the keys before Christmas and move in together. So I actually wouldn't mind household stuff from friends who know me well enough to choose things I like. And I know it is cheaper for guests who are students or on low incomes to buy bedclothes/cutlery/wine glasses etc than give the "usual" amount of cash. But I'll still be delighted with cash from older relations who I know can afford it!

[caroline_A2]

we are including this poem with our invites and i know people here may think im rude i would rather people know that first off we want them there but we really dont need a toaster or a rug that kinda thing here is ours
In hope you will join a celebration
But if a gift is your intention
May we take this opportunity to mention
We have already got a kettle and toaster
crockery, dinner mats, and matching coasters
so rather than something we have already got
We would appreciate money for our honeymoon pot
But most importantly we request
That you come to our wedding as our guest

[HappyMissus]

Oh please don't include this poem with your invitations! Please! They're awful. And you'll forever be remembered as the money grabbing bride.

I honestly say that with love. Please don't do it. 85-90 per cent of your guests will give you money. You don't need to tell them to do it. Trust me, as someone who is recently married, your guests will be incredibly generous.

Mentioning gifts at all is incredibly rude and in really bad taste. Just don't do it! Please! Don't ruin your lovely invitations with an awful poem.