my guy hates formal wear

[irskdansk]

So this is not so much a concern for our own wedding as we're pretty laid back and I'm happy for him too get married in an open neck shirt if he wants, but my future husband absolutely hates formal wear with a vengeance.
I mean to the point that he said he'd quit/never take a job with a company if he was required to wear a tie.
For previous weddings of his siblings (who are okay with this quirk) he went out and bought really nice expensive jeans, shirt and blazer. He looked very nice and well put together and we live in a country where no one would raise much fuss over it.
But now we've to go to a wedding back home in Ireland, which is full of the unspoken wedding rules. Such as wearing a suit and tie to the wedding. I've tried to gently broach the subject with him, but he gets in a stubborn rage along the lines of "I'm coming as I am or else I won't bother if my clothes mean I'm not good enough for them".
I've tried to explain that our friends aren't as shallow to judge him on his clothes, but he just doesn't want to adhere to the concept of social norms. He's the kind of guy that if he even thinks I'm trying to "tell" him what to do, he'll do the complete opposite.
How can I convince him otherwise, or are there any blokes out there who equally hate having to wear a tie?

[bingowings]

Sorry hun but it doesn't sound like you're going to change your fella's mind. Is it only jeans that he's going to wear or would he wear a pair of trousers and a nice shirt? Honestly if it was my wedding it wouldn't bother me if he turned up without a tie I think the laid back open shirt look is quite sexy. Not sure what else to say my man doesn't mind the shirt and tie and fancies himself as a bit of a James Bond when he's dressed up (sigh) .

I don't think too many people are going to pass judgement on him. Now if my FMIL was at that wedding she'd definitely pass judgement! I think weddings are becoming very different these days and each to their own and all that so I wouldn't worry about it too much.

[Missie_Moo]

I really think each to their own in this case. If he doesnt mind being a bit different to everyone else that i think thats fine! People can pass judgement all they like. Its not like he's going to turn up in a trackie top and bottoms!!!
As bingowings says it sounds as though he has his mind made up and I know if your h2b is as stubborn as mine it will be hard to change his mind

[mayb2b]

My other half has a uniform for work(he is a nurse before ya all start with the fireman innuendo's!!! ) and spends pretty much every minute outside work in tracksuit bottoms and football shirts. He has worn a suit twice in his life and both times felt really uncomfortable all day....its just not him. He jokes that he is getting a black velour tracksuit for our wedding but little does he know that I found out that he has already ordered his suit!(no point keeping secrets from me! )
So to loosen him up a bit on the day of the wedding I have ordered him an extremely chavtastic trackie with groom on the back and I will put it in his survival kit which I i will give to his mam to give to him on morning of wedding! Im hoping this will loosen him up a bit for the day and then maybe might not notice how uncomfortable he is in his suit later on! But I have the same prob as you irskdansk in that to any other event he will not conform......I have just learned to accept it at this stage and to be honest...no1 has ever commented to either of us that he does not wear trousers and ties!

[bingowings]

mayb2b you'd want to be careful with that chavtastic trackie he might take that as I'm allowed to wear this and you won't find out until you're walking up the aisle Could you imagine!!!

[sdengaged]

I wudn worry chick. I think ties are on the way out anyway. Last couple of weddings I've been to lots of men had open neck shirts wit suits. If he's dressed smart with a nice shirt and blazer he'll blend in well. Don't stress yourself like most men no matter wat u say it won't matter anyway

[mayb2b]

mayb2b you'd want to be careful with that chavtastic trackie he might take that as I'm allowed to wear this and you won't find out until you're walking up the aisle Could you imagine!!!

Ha Ha I had already thought of that....im going to include a little note with each thing in his survival kit explaining what its for....and his mam wouldnt let him outta the house in it anyway but hopefully it will just give him a laugh on the morning and loosen him up!


Ah well I'd still marry him (I THINK!!! )

[letmeeatcake]

My h2b HATES ties with a passion, and any sort of formal wear. We went to my cousin's wedding a few months ago and I was shopping with him and just getting him a nice shirt and some pants. Until my mum said there was NO WAY he could turn up at a wedding without a tie, which I thought was madness. Anyway, we got the tie and he wore it on the day. Another cousin of mine turned up (he is 17,but owns a load of suits for some reason and wears them at funerals/weddings/weekends,etc.) in a pair of faded jeans and the brightest canary yellow jumper you have ever seen! Under his jumper was an equally bright t shirt. I couldn't believe it! I didn't understand A) why he didn't wear is suit like normal and B) why my h2b had to wear his tie! So off came the time and the top button was opened. I would say he would have changed into jeans if he had them in the car!
The point is, my cousin wore whatever he wanted, and nobody batted an eyelid (except to tell him that way the most hideous colour for a jumper they had even seen). I think nowadays people can wear whatever they are comfortable in, as long as it doesn't clash with the bride (Although if your h2b wears something that does clash with the bride, you may have some bigger issues...)

[BluefishJD]

I hate ties too! and glad to see there is other guys out there who feel the same - I was at two weddings last year, bought a nice new suit and fashion shirt and NO tie - didn't get any funny looks and was complimented how good I looked - granted alot of those came from fiance:) - but even down through the years I would not have worn a tie as in no tie for College Graduation / weddings / funerals even school graduation - I just don't like them and feel if i don't want to wear one then i don't have to and like mentioned above each to their own. Just on the worry of style/fashion coming home to an Irish Wedding I think things have changed here greatly and people do tend to wear what they like and whats comfortable (I would not be comfortable with something tied around my neck all day - so hence no tie but still sharp suit) at one of the wedding s last year there was even a couple of women with white dresses (obviously not full white - they'd be white background with overall design in black/burgundy etc) and yes there was a couple of bitchy remarks from some but they sounded more jealous than anything else so I reckon leave the tie at home and wear what you feel comfortable in. I'm getting married next March and my Bride to be isn't pushed on what i decide to wear - it will me smart and a suit in some shape or form but undecided as in tie or no tie - at the moment I am thinking very nice sharp suits (as I am not that gone on waistcoats either!!) but then you see the wedding suits for hire and in photos they are very nice and it is just one day so i might do a compromise and go with the "Wedding Suit" but no tie? anyway it's not exactly weighing on my mind at the moment. Like most posts I think go what's comfortable and what he wants to wear.