Are evening invites offensive?

[Lilylou]

Just looking for some advice...
A family friend called into my parents house today and was chatting to them in the kitchen about how disgusted she was that she was sent an evening invite to her sisters sister-in-laws wedding!! She then said she found it highly offensive and would be telling them she wasn't going to the "licking of the plates"!!
Is this how everyone sees an evening invite??
Like she's only 28 so I thought she'd be ok with an evening invite but obviously not!!

[Lorraine78]

Some people are really funny about getting evening invites.I've already been told by someone if they're not invited to the full day dont bother with an evening invite!!

[yesIsaidyes]

Don't know the answer Lilylou but would be really interested to see what people say! This is something I'm afraid of, I have friends who are not very close to me any more and I'm planning on including them in the afters but not the full day. I'm quite sure with one or two of them that this will be the reaction - only thing I can say is bring it on - those are not the kind of friends you need and if she decides not to go who cares!! I personally would not be offended with an afters invitation from someone I'm not close to, but then I am planning a wedding and I know the difficulties of guest lists... someone who has not had/ planned a wedding yet might not realise that an evening invitation is not an insult...

[Mooseyd]

that is utter madness!!! you pick who u want there and if there are on the evening list you really wont care or notice if they are not there.

[BHolidayBride]

Wow! What a thing to say - "The Licking of the plates" - I've never heard that before!!
Personally I definitely wouldn't be or never have been offended by an afters invitation, its nice to be invited at all, and to be honest there are some weddings where I wished I'd only gotten an afters invitation
I'm struggling with this myself at the moment, I was thinking of not bothering with formal afters invitations and just letting people know that they are welcome if they want to come. I'm getting married in Wexford but H2B is from Dublin and thats where we live. We're not giving afters invites to anyone in Dublin who's not invited to the full thing because we don't think they'd travel down and pay to stay in a hotel just for the evening - which is fair enough! But I have a large family in Wexford and can't possibly have them all to the wedding, but I have to say couldn't give a s*#t if they feel hard done by for only receiving an evening invitation!

[MrsKenny2013]

Im with the girls. Im not offended by it and understand that due to funds no everyone they want there can be there for the day but that they want to see you at some stage. Ive had a couple of evening invites to weddings and not a bother. But some people are very funny about it and do get offended and are like well if im not good enough for the day why should I go at all but I say bring it on aswell. if they have an issue then let them say it to your face and just tell them well thats fair enough so. it is really annoying though! Like should be greatful being asked at all!! I know I am anyway regardless of whether its full day or just night!

[betteroffwed]

with the girls above. if people want to take offence at this let them, chances are if you pussyfoot around people like this who will make a fuss, that they will find something else to gripe about. ie. theyre sat way too far from the top, you didnt spend enough time talking to them on the day. Honestly chick, its your day, its about you and your h2b, so dont fret over pleasing everyone else. im prob super selfish in the eyes of a lot of people, in that im only inviting aunts and uncles who i would have seen regularly throughout my life.which isnt many out of a fair amount of them. and the same with cousins. it will be close friends, family who we have an actual relationship with and a few friends of parents (who we would know anyway). and i couldnt care less if the rest are moaning. even at this were prob having an average sized wedding. in honesty i had moments where i thought maybe i should invite them all, but then i thought, id rather put the money id waste inviting strangers, towards making sure my nearest and dearest have a great day. Sorry for rambling... btw just 'the licking of the plates' comment pissed me off a bit.

[never2be]

well i have to say if someone made that comment to me i would say thanks for letting me know in advance i can invite someone who wants to be there ! i have been invited to many afters and some down the country but i never once even thought about it been a "licking of the plates" ! the way i have always considered it as a priviliage that they want me there to celebrate their day! so like the rest of ya bring it on! i know my family will be annoyed cause im not inviting some of my aunts and uncles at all because i dont talk to them and my mam has already said oh ya cant invite one and not the other my reply to this was im not having someone i dont like or want there when i can have a friend/workmate/cousin that i want there! and to be honest i dont speak to them so why would i invite them!

[mrsmana2b]

It is so funny that this topic should come up here.

On Sunday I spoke with a girl who is 25 & planning a wedding for next year for nearly 400 people.
She was going on about how it was so expensive & I asked if she had to invite all her cousins etc to the whole day, could she not send evening invitation (this is what I am doing). Her reply was "well in my opinion I think if I'm not good enough to be asked to the whole day of a wedding, why should I be bothered going into the evening" I was so shocked at such a small minded answer from a young person in this day & age!

I have been asked to many evenings of weddings & my thoughts have always been the same-- wasn't it lovely to be thought of.

I really think anybody who turns their nose up at an evening invite is seriously stuck back in the stone age.

[cheeky monkey]

Been invited to the afters of weddings and not been offended but you do hear from others that they would prefer to be asked to the whole day or none .. serioulsy weddings do bring the worst out in some people