Need a guys perspective on this...

[pretty-polly]

Hi guys (& girls)

Here's my dilema, my boyfriend of 'forever' finally proposed months ago & made my millennium as I've always thought us to be made for each other (we even have a beautiful child together) He means the world to me & we've been through alot over the years, we've good fun in each others company & he's very generous, kind & laid back like myself. What we have is super! A few weeks ago I hate to admit but I found a message on his phone to another reasonably good male friend that crumbled my world. It was about how much he found another girl attractive (who we would see regularly but who wouldn't be a friend) while we were on a night out, but as the texts went on,they developed into what he'd like to do 'to her' & how. I kept this knowledge to myself for months, while acting very odd around him at times when he'd comment on how much he loved me etc... so eventually after a few drinks one night I explained my behaviour. He was disappointed I'd read his texts & there was now a trust issue (fair enough) he was also apologetic that I'd found them but not apologetic for sending them as it was ongoing banter between him & his mate& they weren't meant for my eyes. He said that there are plenty of women he would be with (but only if we weren't together) Now, my dilemma is - he's fallen off the pedistil I had him on, I am doubting if I know him at all, I feel betrayed & disappointed in him & myself for not knowing he was like this sooner. Don't get me wrong, I don't think he'd ever BE unfaithfull, believe it or not, he'd a lads lad & very witty, crude at times but funny. I am/was crazy about him up to this point but seriously hate the way this matter has left me feeling, I don't feel like there's any reason why I shouldn't marry him, house & child together & I do want him in my life, I don't want to be without him but I really couldn't have 'the girl' at the reception, as innocent as she is. Please be as honest as you can with what I've told you & tell me, are there things that you settle for when it comes to your fiance? Are all lads like this? Am I just being sensitive (I know that I'm jealous-'the girl' is most lads dream) breaking up isn't an option I'm in too deep.... surelt when you strip away the romance most relationships look like this under the surface?????

[Laura C]

Ah so sorry to hear that - i have no advice for ye hun just hope someone else knows how to answer this for ya - just wanted to send you this and hope everything works out for you.xxxx

[pretty-polly]

thanks xx

[philowong]

ok i'm gonna try give the most objective opinion on this and mean no offense with anything i say.

I don't see what the guy has done wrong? He was simply being a bloke and playing along with the banter that goes on between mates. Its perfectly normal. We do it all the time but it doesn't mean that we're actually gonna act on it. Its just egotistical banter between lads. So i don't think he has anything to be sorry for.
The fact that you read his texts is more worrying though and comes across as insecurity. Whatever you feel about him now, imagine how he's feeling thinking that you're checking up on him by reading his texts?! Also you say you've taken him off your pedestal, again this is something in your head thats causing this and he is still the same guy unaware of how you're feeling right now.
Are you disappointed in him for texting his mate about a hot woman or are you upset that you found out by snooping?
Anyway from his point of view, he's carrying on as he's always done but you seem to be stressing out in your head over nothing. Calm down and enjoy what you have together