Query Re: Cash Gifts

[boctober]

Hello ladies,

Had a look at the prospective wedding bill so far today and nearly had a heart attack So, my query is about money gifts or contributions at weddings. Me and h2b are paying for the wedding ourselves and our parents have made clear (understandably given the state of the economy) that they will not be contributing any more than the average guest. Thing is, it has been quite a few years since we have been to a wedding and have no idea what the norm is. The last time I was at a wedding was 2005 and I gave €100. we're having 100-120 guests but I know that half of them will probably give nothing....but at the same time I'm trying to figure out (as much as is possible) how much this silly wedding is gonna cost. Sorry for the rant

Any comments appreciated guys

[dufferlover]

I know when we go to a wedding we give 100 each or even more if it's a close friend's wedding.

I know how you feel about the cost. I had a mini meltdown when I did up our budget list! Freaky.

[letmeeatcake]

I totally understand. As I was planning our wedding, I was trying to gauge how much people would give as a cash gift. My mum was shocked, saying I can't judge or expect people to give money! I know some people won't, but the general guideline is, is you are a couple, you give €150-€200, if you are single €100 and if you cannot make it, you send along €50. I have the same issue, a lot of my guests won't give anything, because they are not able to afford it, coming from the USA or UK and they are not working right now. I am fine with that, but the ones who can afford it, like uncles and aunts and family friends will more than likely be giving that much.

[MrsMoo]

I usually give about 150 to 200 per couple. I know people who got married recently and they said most couples gave 100 between them. A lot of the oldies dont like giving money though and prefer to buy presents! It really depends if I wasnt staying over in hotel id probably give more. TBH Im not taking into account any cash/presents as you just never know but any presents we do get will be a bonus

[dufferlover]

Yea my friend has warned me not to rely on cash gifts to cover some of the cost. She did get cash gifts but came in with very, very little in the grand scheme of things. A lot of couples gave her 35 each and in fairness if that's all they can afford what else can they do.

[dazcaz]

I have to agree with milliemoo. i wouldn't count on cash gifts. Yes, if you get them..great. But i know from being to a lot of weddings over the last couple of years that people now are very consious of how much going to a wedding costs. most people now, if the have to get a flights or pay for a hotel room for a night, dont give cash gifts. the most recent couple that got married had 100 people to their wedding. They got loads of fabulous presents and keepsakes, but in total they received €900 in cash and vouchers. the days of getting thousands and thousands is long gone and i would be wary of this when doing up a budget.

[MrsMoo]

I agree - lots dont have the money with no jobs etc Id prefer people to go and give nothing then not to go at all At one of my friends weddings the bestman gave 50 and he was single with a good job! I thought that was very mean now I suppose everyone is different though!!

[Its_my_day_soon]

I was at a wedding of a good friend last may and h2b and I put 200 in the card.

I am going to a wedding of a friend of mine on Saturday and I'm debating what to put in the card. You see I would of been good friends during school with her, but 10 years out of school we don't really hang out, and our paths only seem to cross in scor. She is also singing at my wedding, and herself, her future husband and her mother are invited to my wedding in about 8 weeks time.
H2b and I are trying to figure out will it just be a case of whatever we put in their card, will we just get back off them in a few weeks time. Were thinking if that were to be the case we'd put in 150.

But then because she is our wedding singer as well, she gave us a cheaper rate than her usual she knocked 100 or 150 off that. So h2b has pointed out that the discount could be our wedding gift. So not sure what to do. Don't really have a spare 150 to put in a card, and yet I don't want to seem mean and suggest to her that we just don't get each other gifts.

But I think 150 - 200 is about the norm, but don't bank on the cash gifts. I remember some other missie ages ago saying that they were hoping that the cash gifts would pretty much pay for the wedding, and it didn't it left them awfully short.

[dufferlover]

I'm certainly not relying today on cash gifts. I think we can save all bar 5,000 for our wedding and hoping cash gifts make up the rest but we have back up just in case, which is a big but in fairness!

[boctober]

Thanks for all the replies ladies. I know what you mean. I'm not counting on cash gifts, I'm definately not putting a request on the invites or anything like that. TBH we can't really afford this wedding at all, we are doing the big day thing for everyone else...it's driving me bonkers. I'm just trying to comfort myself...silly me. What kills me is that family are very vocal about their expectations for the day, invites etc....my FSILx2 had to be asked as bridesmaids as well and are expecting to pick out their own dresses...so far the ones they like are €340 each but I know neither of them will even give a gift.(sorry gone off on a rant )