Bridal Party

[Mallow]

But would it make a difference when booking the registrar?? I mean, don't you have to give witnesses names and DOB when booking? What if she pulled out after that?
Deep down I know I want her fully involved, but I don't want it to cause arguements between h2b and me....we havent had an arguement since we met!

Oh sorry yes you do, I wouldn't be taking a chance as a witness tbh hun, a reading would be safer, if you put her down as a witness and she pulled out that would cause confusion on the day as their names are printed on the certificate they give you to sign on the day

[MrsEnglish]

Okay I hope I get this out right
I wouldn't have my day without my kids, your H2b is only around a relatively short time and perhaps your daughter is having a tough time with a new man in your life!
You H2b will have to accept your daughter and your other 2 as you have to accept his . . . by getting married you are joining 2 families and hopefully all will run smoothly!
It sounds like your daughter is a pain and needs a kick up the behind too BUT your H2B is only around 2 years . . . took a friend of mine 4 years to get her head around and adjust to her mother with another man! Having been by her side alot about it I have a lil insight into how she may be feeling!
While you can easily move on a separation can sometimes affect kids (regardless of age) very differently!
He is the new person into the family and she has been there all along and prob feels you are choosing a man over her which may or may not be the case (and I don't mean that to come out offensively!)
While you have to move on and obviously have nothing to do with her dad she may not have adjusted as well / fast as you! Esp if she was mid - late teens when it happened it can make it worse with all the other changes and pressures in life at that age.

Now to your question:
If you feel she may let you down as a BM why not have her as an extra bm so that she IS involved but that if all else fails she is not NEEDED therefore not leaving you in the lurch!
Maybe get her a different dress (same colour) to the other BMs and spend quality time with her and maybe bond and get closer!

Maybe a reading but then again it may be too much pressure (if she is not good at public speaking) and IF she were to let you down could you get a stand in (in case!??)

Maybe you could get her to pass you the rings on the day?
If she doesn't go / do it then your MOH and best man can easily slip into the role

I hope you understand what I mean above and that it didn't come out harshly

[bingowings]

How well do you get on with your Ex? I'm just asking because maybe he can talk to your daughter and set her straight about why the marriage didn't work and why everyone is moving on. She's obviously still very cut up about it, although that doesn't give her an excuse to be a pain in the ass either. On the other hand your Ex could well be a complete waste of space like my ex and do nothing but make the situation worse. I have to agree with a few of the other comments that you should include your daughter but I wouldn't make her a witness, second BM sounds good or a reading.

[drummerboys-babe]

Well, my ex and I don't get on at all!!!!! There were plenty of signs before he left that he was seeing someone else only I was too blind and supid to see it! Any time there have been family dos in he past 5 yrs, my older 2 kids have ignored me and spent the time with their dad!!!!! I am the one who takes my youngest son for all this therapies and treatments, he never does any of it.
It was not easy for me to move on and find someone knew, cos all I knew was my ex, I was with him since I was 16. But he was very jealous and hated seeing me being the centre of attention and always put me down and my kids saw this and seem to be following in his footsteps.
My daughter would have no problem wih speaking in public, she is full of confidence and as in stage school for yrs. Since h2b has come along, I finally feel that i am sarting to get a bit of my life back, I am really happy now and I think that this might be their problem...that I'm not there for their every beck and call now.
I love them to bits, and I would love them invloved, but they are adults now and have to realise that I am allowed a life aswell.....maybe I'm wrong.....

[bingowings]

You're dead right you are entitled to a life aswell and I think you've done everything you can for them and unfortunately it seems your ex has done nothing but thought them how to disrespect you. Plan your wedding the way you want to plan it, involve them if you feel it's the right thing to do or more importantly what you want to do. Don't worry about hurting their feelings as they don't seem to care about yours. I know that sounds a bit harsh they are your children after all but like you said they are adults and need to start acting like adults. It just really annoys me when children disrespect their parents. Sorry you have to go through this but it sounds like you have a great H2B to help you through it.

[Virginia Woolf]

I don't think your wrong and the thing is she's not a baby anymore. Having said that I would try and sit her down,have a long talk to her about how much you love her and would really love for her to be involved but if she's not comfortable with that than you understand but you hope she can try and be happy for you. I agree with Mrs English though about maybe getting her to be an extra bridesmaid that if she did pull out it wouldn't affect things that much.