mrs2be.ie

[baileykn]

Hi Ladies,
Im looking for your honest opinions....

I currently have 4 bridesmaids, of which one of them has become increasingly distant and nasty over the last 6 months or so. She has been such a good friend to me in the past that I really dont wanna just tell her to step down from the wedding party, yet she really is making me miserable as every day passes.

My H2B cannot stand her because she has been quite insulting towards him, not to mention all the attempts to cause trouble in our relationship which eventually I have seen through. I feel caught between the two of them, her as my friend and someone I do feel I need to repay for her kindness and him of course, my H2B. My thoughts are that he should not have to have someone that he strongly dislikes in the wedding party and our wedding photographs for years to come. My loyalty should really be to him, shouldnt it??

I really dont know what to do. It certainly would be alot easier if she stepped down, and indeed I would be happier because it really is since I got engaged that she has turned out to be quite nasty and pass remarkable. In truth I wouldnt miss her at all now.

Have any of you missies have had to ask one bridesmaid to step down? Or if not, what do ye think...am i being really horrible? If its a case that I have asked her now, should I just leave it at that? Any help greatly appreciated...... Thanks

[superb2b]

Hi
Get rid of her.
If she has ever done something to jeopardise your relationship why would she want to be there to celebrate the two of you starting a life together. Could you trust her to keep schtum for the day?
It don't think it matters what she done for you in the past if she can't support you with this.
Ask her if she thinks you are doing the right thing by marrying your h2b and if she says anything other than 'oh my god of course hes fantastic' tell her that you need and want a bm that fully supports you.
Sorry for being but you will regret having to defend yourself to someone that doesn't care enough about you to at least be civil.

[Mrs Brideog]

I would have had to ask my 'friend' to step down as BM from my wedding only she saved me the bother. Life is too short to put up with people who stress you out and unfortunately, weddings can bring out the worst in people. I also empathise with your h2b. My OH had 2 people in the bridal party who I felt so uncomfortable around and it was so awkward. I felt awkward the whole day and found it difficult to relax around them. Thank God that I did eventually have 3 supportive, lovely BMs as they were great for keeping my mind off things on the day itself.

So, in short, many many missies have had troubles with BMs. In all cases, we chatted to them first and gave them a chance. Sometimes it worked out and the person stayed on as BM because there was other stuff going on in their lives that was upsetting them and other times (like in my case), it didn't work out at all and you may end up never speaking to them again.

Right now I don't talk to my ex-BM, and I don't miss her at all. It was only when I stepped away, I realised how selfish she was as a person and how much of a bad friend she was to me. Hope I've helped you somewhat, sorry to hear you are having this very common, but unfortunate dilemma!

[Jackyl]

She needs to go, you don't need that hassle from anyone, let alone a bridesmaid.

[pollyi2b]

i say get rid of her but first maybe try talking to her tell her that you feel there is a problem and you dont know why and that u feel she aint really on ur side anymore, she might step down herself or atleast ur standing up to her nastyness. she is probably just jealous of you.

[awhiletogo]

I think too get rid of her. I was bm for my friend a few years ago and another "friend" was another bridesmaid. She caused no end of hassle, with dresses, hair, fittings, hen night etc mainly we think cos she was jealous that my friend was getting married and she wasn't. She caused a huge big drama on the morning of the wedding to do with her own family and did nothing to help the bride at all during the day, and ending up causing a big row later in the night. My friend totally regrets having her and hasn't got her wedding album or anything, cos obv the one is stuck in the middle of the all the photos!! Neither of us really talk to the girl now, and only if we're all out in a group of friends. I have obv got engaged since, and last time we met her, she was very nasty to me as well.
So def ask that girl to step back i think, you don;t want to have any stress that can be avoided in the build up or any regrets from your big day!

[fionab1385]

Oh Jesus you really don't need that crap! She is probably just jealous. Sit her down and tell her how she is making you feel, and if that doesn't work diplomatically tell her that maybe it's best if she just comes as a guest instead. We had the same crap with our Best man but eventually got it sorted but I know it has left an impression on H2B and their friendship will never really be the same

[Missie_Moo]

Im sorry but she sounds awful! Get rid of her, you dont need someone like her there on your special day.

[TanyaBranning]

I have a very difficult BM, one out of 3, and she's the one on H2b's side, so he feels even worse. She sets out to just wreck my head and won't turn up for appointments, or make herself available. She gave me one hour in the whole year she could get her dress alterations done and then decided to get her hair done instead. Mind you my dressmaker sorted her out for me

I discovered all of this with only about 8 weeks to go, and as she's family, it would cause WW3, so too close to the wedding to sack her. Although she is doing everything in her power to make me.

I've got severe "wedding brain" and can't remember again how long it is to your wedding but if you have time, get rid. I dread this girl coming to my mothers house on the day of the wedding and spoiling the atmosphere for everybody. And having to look at her in my wedding album forever as she has really tarnished the run up to my wedding.

[Mooseyd]

get rid of her. it amazing how many people feel like this. I was feeling guilty that i didnt ask my H2B's only sister 9she is lovely but we are differnet) and i stuck with my three sisters! and i am so glad i did. get rid of her as the build up is meant to be the best part!

[IRockedTheFrock]

I think I had ur BMs twin! She used to be my best friend and she turned into a selfish devious cow when I got engaged and started planning! At one point it seemed like she was the bridezilla and I was a timid little bridesmaid! She was so selfish all she cared about was how she would look on the day and how much it was costing her to attend my wedding! She used to send me text msgs adding the costs of everything up and making me feel like shit for getting married . She also lied to all our mutual friends telling them I was making her pay for all her BM stuff! All complete lies! Thank god one of the girls told me what she had been saying so I could defend myself!
Anyway eventually I stood up to her and she didn't like that one bit and sent me a text saying she didn't want to be my BM and she wouldn't be attending my hen or wedding! While I was hurt by her hatefulness, I was relieved she was out if the wedding cuz I didn't want her there anymore. Now I have a lovely friend who took over as MOH and had been brilliant and hasn't let me stress over anything.

If there's anything wedding planning teaches you it's who your real friends and family are.

I would say sack her, she isn't worth it if she's doing this to you. A friend shouldn't be trying to ruin your happiness, she should want to be there with you in all the happiness!