Bridesmaids Gone Bad

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So, you’ve set a date, chosen your bridesmaids, started shopping for dresses and everything seems to be going swimmingly when bang! your bridal bubble is burst by an unexpected and deeply unwanted rift amongst your bridesmaids.

None of us expect our bridesmaids to show such dedication as Katherine Heigl in 27 Dresses, but we hope that they’ll be there to support and help us, and if you’re having more than one, you hope they’ll get along.

Planning a wedding is both exciting and fun but with everyone striving for perfection, sometimes tensions spill over into arguments that can leave a dark cloud hanging over what should be the most perfect day of your life.

As your closest confidantes it is unlikely that you will have any major disagreements with your bridesmaids in the months and weeks leading up to your wedding, but even small niggles can fester and turn into something more, so it’s best to keep the lines of communication open on all sides.  Here, we advise you on how to deal with everything from minor differences of opinion to full-on rows and everything in between plus how to fire a bridesmaid if you really have to.

All Going Wrong?

So you thought you were BFFs but now she’s making snide comments, poking fun at your choice of husband and generally making life difficult what to do?  The first thing to establish is whether your friend is genuinely trying to make life difficult or whether there’s something else going on, and the only way to do that is with an open and honest discussion.  Make it clear that her behaviour is making you feel uncomfortable and see what she says she might not even have realized you were annoyed to begin with, or maybe it’s a simple case of the green-eyed monster.  Often this is enough to clear the air and prevent any further problems.

If the problem is between two of your maids, sit them down and act as mediator to try and help them resolve whatever issues they may have.  With a little help, hopefully your maids will be able to overcome their differences and move on, or at the very least set them aside for your sake as the wedding approaches.  If they really can’t get along and you feel the problem will impact on your day, you may have to consider asking one of them to step aside from their duties.

Of course, sometimes something as simple as a change in circumstances can affect your choice of bridesmaid a friend moving away, for example, or falling pregnant.  In these cases the best thing to do is let your bridesmaid know that she’s not obliged to be involved in the wedding if it’s no longer practical, and leave the final decision in her hands.

Making The Break

Very rarely, a situation may arise where you feel you’ve got no choice but to dismiss one of your bridesmaids if she’s betrayed your trust or made it clear she doesn’t support the marriage, for example.  In this case, the first rule is to be gentle.  Being asked to be bridesmaid is a huge honour and being stripped of that honour is punishment enough for anyone!  The best way to deliver the news is either face to face or by letter not via text message, email or third party, as tempting as these may be.

Whichever method you choose, make sure you are frank and honest about your reasons.  She will understandably be upset but try not to get drawn into any mud-slinging simply say that her actions have left you feeling that it would be inappropriate to have her involved in the wedding and you no longer require her services as bridesmaid.  Depending on circumstances you may still be happy to have her as a guest and in this case you should make it clear that she is still welcome to attend and bring a companion if she wishes.


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2 thoughts on “Bridesmaids Gone Bad”

  1. Jemma says:

    I wish I got this advice when I was getting married. I definitely think I would have asked one of my bridesmaids to step up more. But I didn’t want to rock the boat – instead I was stressed because of her! Looking back now, I wish I had fired her.

  2. Aisling says:

    Well I had 3 bridesmaids at start. Decided on everything bought the dresses for them all and had decided what I wanted to do for hen party. Everyone knew months in advance to save. Then it all went wrong with 1 of my bridesmaids she agreed to all and once I started asking for money as was paying things off every time I got a good deal that’s when the avoiding phone calls etc happened. In the end she didn’t come to hen party, I sacked her as a bridesmaid and she didn’t come to the wedding. Totally the right decision.

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