Problem mother ignoring wedding

user for 2 years
2 years ago
So myself and my H2B got engaged last august. Ever since, my mother has been nothing but negative about it - from the first phonecall to tell her we got engaged when she said "oh I'm glad i was sitting down when you told me that" (vs his parents who sang the congratulations song down the phone). We've decided to have a humanist ceremony and the venue is a bit alternative but we wanted something which actually meant something to us - we're paying for it all ourselves so not as if we're asking for contributions!  I'm an only daughter so siblings to give her a talking to on my behalf! .  From when I told her where we had provisionally booked, her reaction was "oh" and swiftly moved on to something inane. I tried dropping it in numerous conversations but was always ignored so to be honest I gave up. It really upset me for the first few months and then i got so annoyed i just took the view that its her loss.  Herself and my dad don't get on anyhow - the extended families no nothing of the various shenanigans and awful state of the relationship over the years - he's quiet enough anyways and we wouldn't be super close.  They are religious so i don't know is it a case of "what will the neighbours think of a humanist wedding"  Its now getting to the stage where we're about 4 months out from the wedding; she hasn't mentioned it since March (only reason she did was we stayed down at home the night after a viewing night at the venue, and it was small talk at lunch). What do I do? I don't want to give her the satisfaction of bringing it up again - i can see the picture now - she'll be whingeing to her family that i never involved her when in fact she's being so cold about it there's no broaching of the subject, or it'll be said "oh i'm not told about anything" when in reality i'd just like her to care enough to ask once a month "how are the plans going" - its not much to ask!  She's seen as the saint who's always putting everyone else first so none of her siblings would ever believe if i told them what she's been like over this.  Its put a right cloud over everything at this point for me. My future in laws are lovely and are continually asking when they are going to meet my parents (they havent yet as they're at different sides of the country) - I'm running out of excuses at this point and have tried dropping hints but how do you say my parents have zero interest in their only daughters wedding?! Similarly with friends - like they just don't understand it at all.  I know my fiance thinks its weird and I've tried to joke it off but i'm sure deep down he's well insulted too but he knows i'm kind of upset by it all so he's not really voicing his opinion too much on it. We've lived together for 6 years now - they've never once come to visit us and we've just bought a house and again zero interest in coming to see it.  My fiance is lovely - they've never had a falling out.  Kind of at my wits end.  Do i continue to ignore the situation and leave it in her hands? She's a very controlling negative woman and its her loss at the end of the day - we're not a communicative "talk about our feelings" family so trying to broach the subject again - i dont see why i should have to.  I probably am painting an awful picture here and come across as an awful daughter but i just don't want this to dampen all excitement and proceedings ......... an outsiders view would be nice :)